Sometimes when your a submissive man you get epiphanies. You know things that all of a sudden click on, like the proverbial light bulb going off. Things that your Mistress probably knew all along but waited for you to see when you would figure it out. She had never said so but I believe she thinks that if I figure it out myself I am more apt to remember it.
The other night while we both sat on the couch watching TV, dinner cleaned up and time for a little relaxation before bed. I had an urge come over me to kneel in front of her and just ask how my performance has been lately. Now if you know my Mistress she can sometimes be a little nicer than she should be, or not fully let me have it on things, just because she is who she is.
So her answer is, "It hasn't been that good lately." I was shocked, hurt and began to do what I always do, get defensive, but instead I asked, "In what way?" She answered, "I am going to let you figure it out."
My follow up question was, "Is it in regards to keeping the house clean." She simply said, "Yes. I have not been very happy with it lately." I was ready to let her know that we have been working overtime and we had the daughter in for the weekend and we have been on the run lately but something clicked in me...
She knows all of this and still thinks more could be done, so her complaint isn't because I don't have it done period but that she doesn't think I have done enough with the time I have.
So again instead of getting defensive I just said, "Sorry, your right." To which she simply replied, "I know I am."
Again I thought of doing the next thing I always do, to tell her how I will get better and turn over a new leaf.
But I didn't. I simply said "I am sorry" again. I knew it was better to express my apology with action instead of more words. That was two days ago and I have begun the process of getting things back on track, Now I am not trying to lessen my guilt by saying the place isn't a pig sty, its just she expects more. I am saying this to make the point that just because I think I am doing things, keeping things taken care of doesn't mean she thinks it's acceptable. Anyways with the lack of time it's going to take longer to get to where she wants things than I would like but she has noticed the change. She is starting to point out some things that aren't up to par to help me out in addressing things which she doesn't always do.
My epiphany was of course the resistance to getting defensive and just allowing her to speak her peace, accept it and make a plan of action to fix it. Give her credit to be smart enough to know what is happening in life, If I do the best I can with my time, I have to believe she will know I have done what I can with the time I have. Since then I have really felt more at peace with things.
It can be hard as a sub to let someone give you criticism and just take it, accept it and not argue the point. She is in charge because we both agree she is best to handle it. Just let her do her job and I will do mine.
Now onto a lighter note, our mutual friends are heading to sunnier weather for a short vacation soon and I was thinking, "Hope they good weather down there" HOWEVER!!! He and I are emailing and somehow he brings up the fact that he receives regular scheduled punishments, Kind of like a tune up every once in a while to keep him on track. So I am reading Mistress his email and get to this point of the email where he talks about his scheduled punishment and she says, "What a great idea. Maybe I should do the same to you."....So how do I place my order for snow in the south this coming weekend??????
How smart you are not to get defensive with your wife. Men in a WLM know they can never win, so just agree since our wives are correct anyway. My wife will sometimes say something like what your wife told you, and instead of trying to get out of it, I agree and accept any punishment she is going to give me. But it is funny how women tell us to "figure it,out" instead of,just telling us what we did wrong.
ReplyDeleteAll Hers, You might be missing a portion of my point. "Not getting defensive" really has nothing to do with being able to win or not.
DeleteIts about allowing yourself to listen and tear down the walls that defensiveness brings.
It had nothing to do with getting out of anything or accepting punishment. It was about changing and learning. My Mistress does not want a servant to just tell what to do. She wants someone who can serve her but learning from mistakes and trying to get better. "Figure it out" is her way to get me to think, to search myself and learn, then when I learn to change for the better by what has been learned.
If my Mistress had her way she would probably hardly ever punish me. She would much rather I get the things she needs done correctly and quickly so we can enjoy the things that we do together.
She also doesn't want to have a servant around that causes more work for her by her having to do the thinking, That defeats the purpose to an extent of having a servant. I am sure there are some women out there who want their subs to just obey, don't think and only do what she says. My Mistress is far from that category of person. She wants a capable, smart and conscientious servant who will take his responsibilities seriously and try to get better every day.
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ReplyDeleteSOS Thank you for thoughtful post. This is something that I need to continue to work on. I love my submissive life and hope that it continues to deepen. At the same time there are times and topics that in my conversations with my wife cause me to become defensive. The last few times this has happened I have been punished- not because I have different ideas from my Mistress, but that in my defensiveness I am not showing her the respect and deference that she deserves and requires from me. I hope I can reach a point in my life where I can accept what my wife tells me without rebuttal, argument, or getting defensive. It’s funny how I usually come to this realization about an hour after I have had my defensive fit.
ReplyDeleteSubmission to one’s spouse is not a simple thing. It is a dynamic from which we constantly learn and evolve. Inasmuch my wife has grown so much in her confidence and authority, I have grown also in knowing what it means to truly submit to her in all things.
What I like about reading your blog is that it shows the evolution of your own WLM. I’m envious of the road you have traveled.
Thanks Tom,
ReplyDeleteIt is always difficult to accept what someone says without rebuttal. Whether it be your wife, a boss, parents, whoever. Doesn't matter, It takes a lot of of learning, listening and humility to just listen sometimes and try to assume that the other person is right until you have chance to fully weigh their point.
Thanks for your kind words.