Wednesday, March 2, 2016

The continuation

A month has passed since the last blog and things have changed here, mostly for the good, I might add. Mistress' stress level has lowered in the last few weeks and some certain things that were weighing heavily on us have changed for the better also.

With that comes the reemergence of her dominance, I won't say it's at the highest level it's ever been but nonetheless as stress leaves the things that make us who we are come back.

Last time I wrote I mentioned how it was important for me to take care of things around the house without her having to supervise or manage it I have continued that and it is made for a relaxing situation for her. This past week nothing is changed in my endeavors to continue to make things easier at home, however this past week I also found that she has been becoming a little more dominant about the things.

Earlier in the week we attended an event that we go to every week, in my usual way I had a smart ass comment for something she said, it wasn't anything terrible or demeaning or insulting, just a little fun. She leaned over and whispered into my ear, and asked, if I would enjoy her leaning me over the chair and showing everybody here what happens when I become a bit too smart mouthed. She was of course kidding, in a way, and she was smiling about it but yet there was something in her eyes that told me that if pushed too far she might just do exactly that. At this point I thought it was best to admit that I would not like to be leaned over a chair and have my ass beat in front of a bunch of people, whether she would've are not remains to be seen but her mood told me, don't take a chance. When I told her that it wasn't necessary to pull that type of authority in front of everyone she then asked If I was the person in the relationship who decided what was necessary and what wasn't. She then asked again if I would like to be leaned over the chair and show everyone here who was boss. At this point I just said, "sorry mistress it won't happen again."

A day later she pulled me into the bathroom and pointed out a few things that she would like improved upon next time I clean. Knowing our conversation from the day before I realized she was beginning to feel more dominant and my answer to her was simply, "yes mistress."

While these might be small things in the scope of life it just shows that when things aren't going well or are stressful, to learn to support her a bit differently than you might at other times.

While part of me kind of does wish that she would punish me at times, the smart part of me knows that she doesn't really enjoy that and that her threat of punishment is either to be for fun like when we are at the public event or meant to send an alert to me that she is serious. The bathroom incident was serious, she wants things done better and if she doesn't get them her way then I will pay for that. I will improve because I want to be the best servant I can and also I want to avoid the punishment, and not because I don't want the punishment but because I know she doesn't want to have to resort to that.

That's the important part here, as I change how I see things, is that I realize how happy I am when I get to obey her and when I get to do things that make a truly happy.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Importance of understanding

For those of your who are dealing with stress and changes in life. I feel for you.

We have been dealing with stress lately, Mistress S has a stressful situation with her new job, nothing really she can't handle but handling it and not being stressed about it are two different things.

For me its sometimes difficult to be the submissive guy when you realize your partner needs something different, sometimes.

That balancing act that us submissive's deal with, when do we act submissive, when to act strong and be her rock. The line sometimes will blur depending on how those submissive juices are flowing.

That is what I want to discuss today. Obviously it goes without saying that in a relationship that would be termed as FLR, WLM or however you want to term it there comes a time, as the guy, you are unsure if you should be obedient and supportive or supportive and take a lead in helping things. Maybe for some guys there is no choice and it's only one way or the other in their relationship. However I will guess there are many of us that live at times on the border of how to act to best support your girl.

What I did was to try think from her perspective and try to anticipate what might help her the most. She is first, her wants and ways are first but that doesn't always mean be the obedient servant, sometimes that means to let her know that if she needs a break from things she might normally do, that you are willing to jump in and lend a hand.

At times it might mean to suppress your submissive desires, don't worry they will never just pack up and leave forever. Now that doesn't mean I need to not obey her, quite the opposite, when she wants something it needs to be understood that whatever she wishes I am ready to do but you can be at the ready to obey and take the bull by the horns as well. You just need to have a couple things going your way. First you need to pay attention to her wants and needs more than ever. Don't assume, see what each day brings and adapt. Second you need to be happy with supporting her in ways that maybe aren't what you would wish in your submissive world your brain likes to live in. The old saying 'there is a time and place for everything' rings true here.

In the end it kind of works itself out, by taking on things that she may normally be happy to do and taking pressure off her you might be making her happy and serving her in a way you wouldn't normally, this in turn will give you a sense of helping, a sense of pride and give your submissive brain a little tweak in how to further serve her.

In the end to serve her doesn't always mean to literally serve her, sometimes it means to fill what she needs regardless of what that is.

Love is one of the most powerful things in the world. Use it to wash out some negative things your girl might be experiencing. You won't make things perfect but if you can just make it better AND more importantly not add to her stress with your wishes and demands you have done a great service to her. LOVE can conquer, maybe not everything but it sure can help.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Holiday end, reality begins.

The end of the Holidays meant the end of our visitors. What a great holiday season we had. One of the best. It's the first one living far away and might make you believe that it would be worse but truth is when the kids visit and it involves getting on a plane it makes for much more time together than when they are a half hour drive away. Instead of a couple 2 hours visits over the holidays it was a period of true quality time, doing things each day or just "hanging out" together and enjoying each others company.

Well that is over now and its back to reality and for us reality is good.

Finally settled in and now that the guests are gone the re emergence of our full blown FLR is back.

I was gone for a couple days and Mistress decided to let me know while I was gone that she was in the process of making a list of things she wanted done when I got home. She then threw in a warning. I know you are wishing to watch the football playoffs on Sunday, if the list isn't done and if its not to my satisfaction then I will be watching while you finish your list.

Truth is that Mistress has been away for a while. That Mistress was on kind of a sabbatical caused by stress. Of course I was instantly excited and a bit shocked at the same time. If you know my Mistress though you would know that she isn't joking about this.

When I came home I was in for another surprise. She told me she had been busy and hasn't finished the list yet. Of course this does not mean that I am off the hook to complete this list, just the opposite, I will just have less time to accomplish her tasks. She is going to be late tonight so I was hoping to spend time this evening getting as much done as I can.

Now I am going to do what I know needs done and hopefully when I get her list, some or most of the things will already be taken care of but it just reminds me that she is in charge, she is under no deadline to make her list, but I am still under my deadline to complete it. Somehow I picture myself working right up until the games start on Sunday afternoon hoping to be able to watch.

Well here is the part that the average vanilla guy would never understand. For me, the submissive, this is exactly what I want, I want to know that my Mistress has the freedom to decide what needs to be done and when, she also has the freedom to determine if its done according to her expectations and has the freedom to decide what happens if it isn't. For a submissive like me that is the most freeing feeling in the world. I want to be at this place, I want to feel her power and be the tool to make her life easier.

Do I want to watch the football games, hell yeah I do, but I want to earn that as well. You could probably try to convince someone who is not submissive for 10 hours straight and they wouldn't understand. And that's ok, that's why its probably not useful to advertise how we live our lives.

If I have all the work done on the list and it's game time will I be nervous asking her if the work was done well enough to watch the games? Yes, I will, I will be nervous knowing that she might say, "Sorry the bathrooms weren't done properly, why don't you go clean them again and see if you get it right this time." Will I be upset if I miss part or all of the game redoing things because she wasn't satisfied? I don't know if upset is the correct word, I will be disappointed in myself but I will also go about doing what she says knowing that I am in my place, that place that allows me to kneel at her feet and obey her decisions. It's where I want to be.

Monday, December 14, 2015

Holiday season, a time for fun, love and giving

So how does the holiday season tie in with living a female led relationship??

Well the simple answer is just like everyone else. Although if you are like us and have an empty nest living an FLR can be quite easy to do. When family and friends arrive though maybe some of the things that you might normally do have to be shelved from the view of others.

Obviously it shows that living an FLR isn't the most accepted way of living to the main stream world. While I know why this is the case I wish it wasn't. We have all girls for our children and I would love them to grow into having an FLR, I think its better for their self esteem, it improves their confidence and I do believe it makes their lives better and even safer. Although as we travel down this road one thing has become very apparent, just as every guy is not a good fit for an FLR neither is every girl. I can see in my own kids the ones who could live this way and which ones can't or wouldn't enjoy it.

I bring this up because as much as you would think it would be good to be honest and to explain the type of relationship we have to the kids there are many reasons not to. And certainly explaining it to the ones who could benefit from it and not the others isn't an option either.

So that leaves us hiding it, Not completely though, the girls know who is in charge, they even have joked about it from time to time,  but to what degree isn't shown or known.

So that brings me back to the holiday season, there is that part of life that is changed when the guests arrive, The not living life as usual aspect. But maybe in some ways its the same for everyone.

In a vanilla relationship, especially one where things aren't going great when guest come there is an act put on, maybe the guy is extra attentive while the guests are around where he isn't normally, maybe there is less "me" time and more together time when guests are around to show a goof face. I would assume that there are less times where the guy, or the girl, will go out with the friends after work to have a few if there are guests at home. So while us in a FLR have to change things, it appears after some thought that so do the vanilla people of the world when guests come.

Whatever the case the time is almost here for the guests to arrive and with them coming 2,000 miles there will be a lot more time together as a family rather than the times where they visit for a few hours, or come home and see friends while back in the neighborhood. I for one am looking extremely forward to the holidays this year and the time together as a family...and I will be looking forward to the return of our empty nest when its over.

I guess that makes the best of both world for us.

Have a great holidays everyone, whatever you celebrate I hope it is an awesome time of year for you and your families.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The continuation of back to normal and the holidays

As we move on things are falling back in place, Mistress made me a list of what she expects done and gave no completion date, to me this means sooner not later.

We have guests coming for the holidays so we have to finish getting our new house ready, pictures hung, furniture set, things cleaned, things unboxed and put away and whatever else that entails.

In addition to all this we are still finding time to stay active and enjoy the many things to do here in Arizona. I have to say I love this place and we are both happy with the decision to make the move.

Are there difficulties, sure, being so far from family and friends is tough but the prospect of meeting new people and making new friendships is good too, its like that exciting new adventure. We live that exciting new adventure every day and its a great feeling.

Mistress has been working later than normal the last couple weeks so the weekend are our time to get out and enjoy things, each weekend flies by like a blur and we are loving every minute of it.

One last point to make before I end this, it takes some getting used to when you see Christmas decorations and its 75 degrees outside. Growing up Christmas always meant cold and snow. Now it means shorts and a t shirt. Its great but yet takes some getting used to.

Have a great holidays everyone.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Life in the Valley of the Sun

We are adjusting quite nicely to life here in the Valley of the Sun. Still looking to meet others, which is a slow process but we are busy and life is starting to round into our new routine.

I am back to cleaning and dressing while doing so. She is starting to gain her dominant ways and we are still unpacking boxes.

Last night we hung some pictures and Mistress was looking thru a box for some more when she proclaimed, "I found my riding crop."

At that point I realized I should be on my best behavior so she wasn't inclined to give it a try.

As it turned out I escaped getting laid over the bed but as things go more and more back to normal it probably won't be long. Luckily yesterday before she got home I got all the ironing and laundry done. She was pleased with that.

All this got me thinking about others. Those times where the FLR isn't exciting as it once was or things in life get in the way of how you want things to be at home. Be patient. Be the tortoise not the hare. Sometimes its not a move but a life challenge or job stress that can effect the things you want at home. Allow them to pass and then allow a little more time. Just because the stress is gone it doesn't mean the FLR will continue immediately as if nothing happened. I think sometimes the sub men get impatient at these times and need to allow the partner to regain her footing so to speak. To get back to things in her own time and way. These last few months have proven that to me. With time and patience things will once again be exciting and new. Even if its a little different.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Life is settling finally.

While the move has been so whirlwind that many of the things that we normally accustomed to doing in our relationship have temporarily been put to the side. Slowly things are going back to our usual (new usual) patterns.

This is good for both of us, gives us a sense of comfort and structure. The one thing I will admit is when things are so crazy, life, while not bad, doesn't feel the same.

Our normal winter routine is going to be vastly different. Obviously outdoor activities and staying active are going to be at an all time high here in the Valley. The good news is that is great for our health and happiness, the drawback will be making sure things stay where they are supposed to be, cleaning house, following her rules and whatever else that might apply to.

Up in Michigan things were different depending on the season, in the summer our FLR was a bit looser due to activities, living here will be like summer all year long, well except for the 3 months of pure hell called June, July and August where barbecuing simply means tossing your steak on the sidewalk and watching it sizzle.

In time we will get to a new routine, a different routine and maybe a bit modified but in time we will become relaxed and at ease with the new normal. That is starting to happen now. Its different but a bit the same, its new but at the same time comfortable and getting better each day.

One thing that is different is friends, we do not know anyone around here, in time that will change but for now its just the two of us. Getting dropped into a new city and finding new friends isn't the quickest process and it will take time but I guess that gives us time to settle into our new routines.