Oops, been too long.

It's definitely been too long between posts. Even as busy as things are these days there should be some time set aside for blogging. It seems to keep things in perspective for me and a chance to explore my true feelings.

With that all in mind there really isn't too many exciting things to report. Mistress and I have been super busy, summer golf, work is crazy busy for both of us and a major home improvement project we are beginning. Also lets not forget the World Cup is in full swing.

It's busy but it is also fun and exciting, not exciting in the ways of things to report to the reader but exciting in that everyday life is just great for us. Still have empty nest due to her daughter away for studying abroad but with the lack of home time these days the submissive things that usually fill our cold winter days have turned into the busy, "Dominance and Submissiveness on the run." as I will call it.

The directions are still there, "Don't forget I want that skirt ready to wear for work on monday." or feverishly looking for a tank top she wanted to wear that "should have been washed and put away already." As it turned out it was in her drawer...Crisis averted. But those long winter sessions of given a list of tasks seem to fade in the busy summer months.

On one hand I miss that (at times) but for the most part I realize that variety is the spice of life. 100% of the time I obey her but 100% of the time she doesn't need to flaunt the authority. It's there, it just doesn't always need to be flaunted in her mind to still let me know she is in charge. Mistress also knows that when things are as busy as they are now sometimes the servant can only do so much. It doesn't take away or change what we are it just temporarily changes the way we address the D/s portion of our life.

Either way it's all good and I hope everything is going well for anyone reading this.

LIfe's Tribulations

What a busy week. Made even busier by the start of the World Cup. Yeah I know most of you from the U.S. aren't very interested. I get that. 

Too bad, you probably missed the U.S. win an opening game for the first time since god know's when. It wasn't a great game but I will not bore you with the tactical issues I had with the game.

Of course that has nothing to do with our FLR in a direct way, but it does in an indirect way. Mistress allows me to watch as she know how much it means to me. Of course with Father's day, world cup and golf it hasn't left a lot of time to keep Mistress' house in the manner she expects.

She has been patient but I know better than to let it slack for much longer. I guess it's just part of the balance of having the type of relationship we have.

It's these times of the FLR where the dominance is low that get's me to truly appreciate things. No matter how much she let's things slack she is still the head of the household and I know at a moment's notice that taking her generosity for granted could result in consequences. It's just who we are, what we have built and in some ways what we have become. I wouldn't change it for anything.

And So It Begins

Haven't had time to post for the last few days, things have been extremely hectic.

Mistress did find time to punish me for being less than respectful. That day she pinned me and intimidated me was not an empty threat. Let's just say I am acting much more respectful to her than I was a week ago.

That brings me to the current situation.

As many of you know, tomorrow starts the world's biggest sporting event...The World Cup (soccer for those of you who didn't know.) While it's not as big here in the U.S. as most other places on this pale blue dot in space it is a pretty big deal.

So for those of us who are submissive I am wondering if it is something that you will want to watch but not get as much time to view as you would like or does your Mistress allows you to have your fill. That is certainly my case, Mistress knows how much I like to watch and as long as my work is caught up I will be able to watch as much as I want.

Of course that doesn't mean I will watch every minute, its one month of every day games. But I will watch the teams that interest me and most days instead of turning on the news during dinner it will be on in the back ground. I am also understanding that that privilege can be revoked at any time if Mistress decides it should be. That means the next month will call for my best behavior.

As far as the Mistresses out there, one are you interested and if not do you allow you man to watch?

Just curious to see what people have to say.

Fear...Is a little bit healthy?

Yesterday after work Mistress and I were at home. I was making a remark about something, kind of sarcastically which she let pass, then as a joke I grabbed her ass and made another comment. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal but Mistress thought I was being a bit too cocky.

So she turned around and walked up to me quickly, it was in the kitchen and I backed up until I was stopped by the counter top, she kept pushing right into me until we were eye to eye. It was a few seconds before I realized what was going on and dropped to my knees. She remarked that it took a bit long to get on my knees and that my cockiness was a bit more than she wanted to see. She told me right then that I would be taught a lesson later. It hasn't happened yet but I know its coming.

The point is that moment when she came at me and I backed into the counter top I felt some genuine fear. Not fear for my life but just a fear of knowing I displeased her and I was at her mercy. I have to admit it was extremely exciting. It got me thinking, is it bad to fear your Mistress a little bit. My answer is no not at all.

First and foremost I know I am safe with her, so it's not an issue of fearing for my safety. But authority means she has certain powers that I don't have. Being subject to that power can sometimes cause a bit of fear. I believe not only is it exciting for a submissive to be in a position where someones authority can put you in a bit of a nervous predicament but healthy for our relationship. Yes a little fear is probably healthy.

But isn't there fear a bit in every relationship to a degree. In a vanilla relationship are there not times when maybe the guy is out with his buddies only to come home late. Is he afraid she will be pissed? Maybe the difference is in the vanilla relationship she might just keep it bottled up in her head instead of letting her displeasure out on  the guy. Not so much in an FLR. When Mistress isn't happy, it doesn't get bottled up, I have to answer for it and quickly. In my book that makes for a better a less stressful relationship.

Of course to generalize anything is not correct, there are some vanilla relationships where the woman speaks her mind and punishes. Maybe instead of an ass beating or being sent to the corner it might be the silent treatment or the cold shoulder. I am probably a minority but I would much rather have Mistress sit me down, tell me what I did wrong and punish me for it than give me the cold shoulder or the silent treatment, that is a fate worse than anything to me. Then again maybe that's why being a submissive is good for me.

Here is the thing, what does she think of it? Does she want to cause fear in me? I guess I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

I do know that I am good with it, to coin a new phrase, "I am not afraid of fearing her." Matter of fact it makes me happy, excited, and fills me with a tingle that was reserved for intense fantasies.

"So do I like it because it's a game?" Hell no, it's not a game, we don't live a game. I respect her and I do obey her. If she decides I am going to be punished or treated in a way I don't like, I may not enjoy it it but at the same time it fills me with everything I have ever dreamed about.

"Besides how can it be real fear, if she punishes you and it really is something you don't want, you can always say no." Actually no I won't and can't. What we built up relies on me accepting her authority and trusting it. If she picked a punishment I really hated I would accept it without a thought of saying no. I have long ago crossed that bridge. If I don't like it I might ask her to reconsider but the final decision rests with her. That is where it should be and honestly I  wouldn't have it any other way.

"How is it different that the fear of close call while driving or the fear of almost falling off something?" It's a huge difference, while I might fear what she may do, I know I am going to be safe, maybe a bit sore or have a sore hand from writing but safe. It's a different feeling than that. but it does provide you with an adrenaline rush. I guess in the end it's more like the fear of being sent to the principals office back in school rather than the fear of getting hurt in a care crash.

"So does it do anything for her?" Maybe, who knows, I guess the only thing I could see her getting out of it is the knowledge that she has the power if she chooses to use it without worry that I will think negatively about it. Maybe that isn't so much of a bonus on her end, maybe it can be if it makes her comfortable in being the boss. I guess that is a question that only she could answer.

I suppose the bottom line is that the whole episode got me to think and remind me of the respect I need to show to her. Maybe that was her goal right from the beginning????

Submissiveness, Lifelong or Learned?

One thing has been on my mind lately.

I know everyone is different, but if you are submissive is it something you knew about early in life or did you "try it" and decided you liked it.

For me it's been ingrained ever since I can remember. At one point I thought everyone had feelings like that but learned quickly that I was, what I thought, alone in my thinking.

Ever since those early days of even elementary school I can remember always fantasizing about having to obey girls and even dressing in their clothes. I don't remember anything that seemed to start my submissiveness, it was just always there from what I can recall.

I remember having a friend who had a super mean sister, everybody disliked her. I secretly thought she was awesome. But she never used her meanness on me. The list goes on and on. There was no event in my life that didn't have submissiveness tied to in my mind. When I was old enough to start to have girlfriends I know most guys would think about getting in their pants....Me too. Literally. Well seriously I would think about that but more than that I would think about them dominating me. Take over our relationship and do to me what they chose. Of course I never met anyone like that.

As I grew older still, I started to change, I still was submissive but I needed something more, my fantasies had to have a confident woman. A leader type. I needed that to make it seem real in my mind. That's why my first marriage was anything but an FLR. She just didn't have that in her. Wasn't her fault she was who she was. So we spent our entire marriage with her in the dark of who I truly was.

Until of course I met Mistress and opened her up to a new way of being. She didn't know she was dominant but as we went down that road she found it was who she was and that she liked it.

So I wonder if more people are submissive (or dominant) because they have always been (even if they didn't act on it) or was there something later that caused you to try and and decide you liked it and it was for you? (Like my Mistress)

I am curious to hear everyone's thoughts.