Trust and honesty.

Tough topic for me.

I spent my first marriage in a lie. I have had submissive desires since the earliest recollections of my life. But my first wife never knew. I didn't feel the trust to allow her into my world. Eventually I believe this caused our breakup, maybe not for those reasons but over time I grew away from the person I was because of always not being myself.

This past week a friend of mine let me know about a issue that had happened with him and his wife. While I won't go into what happened all I will say is it put a strain on their trust because a lack of honestly. Now don't worry, everything is fine now. But there was some healing that was needed.

This caused a flood of feelings back into me. Bad ones. Feelings of how I was in the past and what I am now.

Honesty and trust, I think they go together in some ways but maybe not completely entertwined. In my past, when I couldn't trust my ex wife, I found I couldn't be honest with her. At the same time if a person isn't honest and is found out trust will no doubt suffer.

One of these you can control, the other not so much. I suppose you can say, "I will trust him/her." But that isn't something you can really decide., Trust comes from deep inside. Honesty however is completely a decision. Sometimes a tough decision but still a decision.

With my Mistress I trust her without a second thought. That is why I was able to be honest with her about who I really am inside. I also know that she trusts me. Its up to me to keep that trust by staying honest with her.

Trust can be rebuilt but I am here to say its easier to keep the trust by staying honest than have to repair the damage and allow the trust to be returned. A person could say all they want, "You deceived me, your going to have to do A, B and C to get my trust back." But in the end the trust comes back only when the person who lost the trust is comfortable in being trustful again.

My friend has been successful in repairing trust but the amount of work put into it is much better spent on being forthcoming in the first place.

A small example would be when Mistress comes home from work, (I usually get home a little before her.) I usually do somethings around the house to tidy or clean up. When she comes home she may ask, "Did you do (fill in the blank)." Sometimes it might be a chore she asked me to do, sometimes she is just asking in general. Sometimes its not easy to say, "No I forgot" or "I didn't think to do that." Sometimes there is that urge to say, "I just got home and haven't had time." Now if that's true then that's fine but sometimes it might be a way to get out of having to admit a deficiency. That will always lead to another small white lie to be told. "Oh, you got home a little late, Something happen at work that caused you to stay later than normal?" See where this goes. Now to cover the first one you have to say a second one. With my Mistress it never works, she knows, but sometimes she just lets it go. In those times I know I have put a small hit on my trust level in her eyes. I have tried so hard to keep that trust that it is getting easier to just be straight up right from the beginning. Its way easier in the long run. More importantly small lies lead to bigger ones and I never, ever want to have that conversation where she is truly hurt by something I was dishonest about.

Its a great motivator for me and I suppose for others.

I hope no one misunderstands my point here. I am not in any way picking on my friend. Just talking with him about the situation brought a flood of things from my previous marriage back to me. Dark days in my life, days where I assumed my life would be spent as a lie to everyone.

Obviously I can't share my lifestyle with many others. Too many people are judgmental. But having a Mistress that I can share everything about who I am and having at least a select few people that I can also share who I am truly inside has changed me completely.

I would love to hear others thoughts about this and maybe things in their life that had a similar or even opposite effect on them.