This is a little change of pace from previous posts.
I have been hit with a bit of guilt lately.
As you may know I enjoy cross dressing from time to time, especially when cleaning or serving my mistress.
It is something I have always dreamed of, and until meeting Mistress never had the opportunity to indulge in.
While my Mistress allows me to indulge and never complains about it. In my mind I believe she would rather I didn't. I guess you could say she is pretty non committal about it.
Now nothing is wrong nor is there an issue, just some guilt building up in me. It's something I enjoy, enjoy a lot, actually but is indulging in a way being selfish? I long ago decided I did not want to be a selfish person and wanted to put the love of my life first.
I serve my Mistress I try to focus on things she enjoys, while I know that doesn't mean cutting out things I enjoy, I wonder sometimes if it should it mean I should try to stay away from things maybe she doesn't like so much. Again she hasn't said I should stay away from indulging, no, this is just an internal battle I am having with myself. I know in my heart what I enjoy but I also feel that just because she allows it and deals with it, doesn't not mean she would rather I didn't do it.
It's almost like a catch 22, even if she doesn't care for it, she will be ok with it because she knows how much I enjoy it. She will be ok with it for me.
But in a way does that make me selfish? Would it be better to resist the urge and not have to subject her to it?
The last week or so I have been resisting, I haven't really made a big deal about it, not sure she knows or realizes it. Just trying to see how it works out. Early results have been difficult but manageable.
I am positive we will be discussing this issue soon as not only can't I keep anything from her but even closed she can read me like a book.
I am not sure there is a good answer to this, not sure if there even needs to be an answer to it, as nothing is really wrong. Well except for my continual internal battle with myself to be always try to be a better person and improve each day. Of course there is a chance I am just over analyzing things.
Comments are always welcome.
I think if she truly didn't want you doing that she would say so. I think you may be over analyzing. Even though your role is to serve and please her, she loves you and your happiness is important to her. I don't see the harm as long as she hasn't told you not to do it and you are doing i . Or if you talked about it you might find out she likes it more than you think she does.
ReplyDeleteI think if she truly didn't want you doing that she would say so. I think you may be over analyzing. Even though your role is to serve and please her, she loves you and your happiness is important to her. I don't see the harm as long as she hasn't told you not to do it and you are doing i . Or if you talked about it you might find out she likes it more than you think she does.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mistress Marie. I am sure you are correct. Its just a part of me that results from my propensity to always analyze things, sometimes too much and constantly attempt to improve myself.
ReplyDeleteThat’s a tough one, SOS. I’m having the same dilemma with wearing panties. Donna gave me a couple of pair this week, primarily at my request. While I’m not sure whether she is behind the idea or not, I wanted to wear them to fulfill my desire to be submissive to her.
ReplyDeleteWhile getting dressed this morning, I was hoping She would force me to wear panties today. She didn’t say anything, so I decided to wear them without Donna’s input. I was afraid to ask her because I didn’t want to bother her with questions about something that she may not even be interested in, plus don’t want her to think less of me because of my desire to wear panties.
When we were both fully-dressed, I said, “Hey Honey, these undies fit pretty good!” After we talked briefly about sizes, she finally asked, “Why are you wearing those without asking me? I didn’t tell you to wear them?” I told her that I was hoping she would MAKE me wear the panties as a sign of power over me. I also explained my fear, “I was worried that you would think less of me for wanting to wear panties?” Well Donna didn’t waste any time with her response, “I DO think less of you.”
Her cutting words made me pause, but when I looked at her, I noticed a wry smile on her face. My Goddess was using this moment to give me a little sweet humiliation. I love that woman. I thanked her and told Donna that the panties remind me that she is in charge and make me feel very loved.
So, maybe there’s an opportunity for your Mistress to get some enjoyment out of your wish to cross-dress. I hope you and the beautiful Mistress get to have some open communication about the matter. Let that wise woman know ALL of your wishes and concerns, and be happy about her decision. Perhaps she’ll approve because she loves you and wants YOU to be happy. However it turns out, sharing your thoughts can produce intimacy and possibly some sweet fun, and ultimately a life on her terms.
Take care,
Scott
SOS KK, I agree with Mistress Marie. If your wife wants you to stop cross dressing then I believe it's up to her to tell you. That's what a leader does. If she does, then you need to obey - that's what a submissive does.
ReplyDeleteI understand your apprehension and Scott explained the insecurities we, as subs, often feel. We want to be confirmed periodically. Maybe a direct question from you asking for her feelings will set your apprehensions aside. Then again, she may tell you she isn't keen on you dressing up. That would crush you but if you really wish to please her which I know you do, then hearing that should be welcome words.
As for Scott's comment.... "I do think less of you" That comment is priceless!
Keep up the good work on the blog!
Thanks for the replies, we talked and it went well. I think sometimes I just need reassurance on what is happening to make sure I am not going overboard on things.
ReplyDelete