Ok, what a submissive feeling I am going thru now. Of course we all have our peaks and valley's and right now is a big time peak for me. Something about Mistress's daughter coming home from college does that. Why?
Well partly is because I know the empty nest is over for a little while and we won't be able to be as open about our relationship. Almost like you know you are going to miss it so it intensifies before it has to be shelved a bit.
But also because just knowing most of the things I do will go on but in front of her. Knowing that both of them will leave their dishes for me to clean up. The only difference will be Mistress won't say, "Clean up these dishes while I go watch TV." Instead it will be just a quiet thank you and be left to my work. I guess in some ways I can't help think her daughter knows and every subsequent time it happens I assume she understands a bit more of how Mistress and my relationship is.
I am always conflicted that one day Mistress will just say to me, "She knows about us and I expect you to obey her." Not sure how I would handle that but I am sure I would do what I am supposed to and obey her if that is what Mistress decides.
Still I think the fear of being found out adds to my submissiveness in times like these.
I guess only time will tell.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Fun Times
Life has been exciting, fun and extremely hectic lately.
Between work, golf with my Mistress and outside commitments the spring (or you might call spring) time is flying by.
One thing I am happy about is the status of our lives together, even though life is busy and hectic, she still expects obedience and the proper behavior from me. All in all it just makes things a bit better than they already are. It allows me to never be far from what I love, never allow me to miss the experience of submitting to her and keeps me focused on what I should do all the better.
If you are in an FLR I do recommend that no matter how busy life is, try to keep your FLR rules alive. Even if it isn't convenient and sometimes maybe even difficult its well worth the effort.
A couple of days ago after a long day of work for both of us we came home ate, dinner and relaxed on the couch. In the middle of that she out of the blue says, "Did you clean the upstairs closet like I told you to?"
I answered I had not due to the hectic days. She simply answered, "I understand, but I want it done tomorrow, not my problem on how you find the time to do it."
Of course that put everything we do in perspective and reminded me that no matter how things go, I still need to answer to her and that she is the one in charge.
I know in the land of kinky D/s we are pretty boring but for us it still keeps the excitement alive.
Between work, golf with my Mistress and outside commitments the spring (or you might call spring) time is flying by.
One thing I am happy about is the status of our lives together, even though life is busy and hectic, she still expects obedience and the proper behavior from me. All in all it just makes things a bit better than they already are. It allows me to never be far from what I love, never allow me to miss the experience of submitting to her and keeps me focused on what I should do all the better.
If you are in an FLR I do recommend that no matter how busy life is, try to keep your FLR rules alive. Even if it isn't convenient and sometimes maybe even difficult its well worth the effort.
A couple of days ago after a long day of work for both of us we came home ate, dinner and relaxed on the couch. In the middle of that she out of the blue says, "Did you clean the upstairs closet like I told you to?"
I answered I had not due to the hectic days. She simply answered, "I understand, but I want it done tomorrow, not my problem on how you find the time to do it."
Of course that put everything we do in perspective and reminded me that no matter how things go, I still need to answer to her and that she is the one in charge.
I know in the land of kinky D/s we are pretty boring but for us it still keeps the excitement alive.
Monday, April 21, 2014
A different take
First of all the Easter season made for a busy time for us.
Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates and for those that don't hope you had a great day also.
After reading I'm hers and Femdom 101 blogs. About the woman who found out her Daughter in Law was going to be the boss of her son. I am left with some mixed emotions.
First as an advocate for a female led relationship I would like to make that woman understand that all that matters is that her son is happy, that the couple lives a love filled marriage and it lasts forever. If what makes them happy is to have her in charge, then that is what counts.
I know better though. Many people won't and can't understand or accept this type of lifestyle. Is it because of the kink (if it exists in the relationship), is it because it's the opposite of what society has taught is the correct way to be, is it because it's different and in the mind of most different is bad? Who knows but all I know is it is right for us. Its right for a lot of the people I have had the pleasure of meeting here in the land of blogging. And maybe that will just have to do. Yes I would love the chance to explain to that woman that what her son is going to experience is exactly what he wants out of life but there is a good chance she, or if she does learn to understand, other will never get it. Never accept it or never realize why it is a viable way to live.
I suppose for me to try to understand I have to think about other different lifestyles. Maybe gay/lesbian relationships or polygamist relationships. I might not be able to understand the appeal but what I know is that they do it because it is right for them. That's what matters.
There will always be those that fight against that isn't considered "normal". We all know the plight of gay/lesbian couples and their fight for equal rights. My guess is that if FLR's were more prominent we might face some (not as much because its still a female/male relationship) hurdles for acceptance with the general public. Again I am not comparing the plights of the two groups just making that point that something that isn't "normal" will tend to be looked down on and more likely not understood.
While I think it's a great idea to educate that woman who contacted Kathy, it's also important to realize some people can't be made to understand.
I would love to go to a top of a mountain and scream to the world what I am, what our relationship is and why it is the best thing that ever happened to me. But that isn't the reality of it. Maybe one day it will be but not currently. I'm hers was a bit concerned about a recent post of his and how might that woman perceive his post if she saw it. I guess all I can say is it is what it is. We are what we are. There are some parts of this type of relationship that maybe not will understand. I guess all we can do is ask those people to understand that it's what we want and please respect it. Maybe some parts don't need to be understood by all.
Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates and for those that don't hope you had a great day also.
After reading I'm hers and Femdom 101 blogs. About the woman who found out her Daughter in Law was going to be the boss of her son. I am left with some mixed emotions.
First as an advocate for a female led relationship I would like to make that woman understand that all that matters is that her son is happy, that the couple lives a love filled marriage and it lasts forever. If what makes them happy is to have her in charge, then that is what counts.
I know better though. Many people won't and can't understand or accept this type of lifestyle. Is it because of the kink (if it exists in the relationship), is it because it's the opposite of what society has taught is the correct way to be, is it because it's different and in the mind of most different is bad? Who knows but all I know is it is right for us. Its right for a lot of the people I have had the pleasure of meeting here in the land of blogging. And maybe that will just have to do. Yes I would love the chance to explain to that woman that what her son is going to experience is exactly what he wants out of life but there is a good chance she, or if she does learn to understand, other will never get it. Never accept it or never realize why it is a viable way to live.
I suppose for me to try to understand I have to think about other different lifestyles. Maybe gay/lesbian relationships or polygamist relationships. I might not be able to understand the appeal but what I know is that they do it because it is right for them. That's what matters.
There will always be those that fight against that isn't considered "normal". We all know the plight of gay/lesbian couples and their fight for equal rights. My guess is that if FLR's were more prominent we might face some (not as much because its still a female/male relationship) hurdles for acceptance with the general public. Again I am not comparing the plights of the two groups just making that point that something that isn't "normal" will tend to be looked down on and more likely not understood.
While I think it's a great idea to educate that woman who contacted Kathy, it's also important to realize some people can't be made to understand.
I would love to go to a top of a mountain and scream to the world what I am, what our relationship is and why it is the best thing that ever happened to me. But that isn't the reality of it. Maybe one day it will be but not currently. I'm hers was a bit concerned about a recent post of his and how might that woman perceive his post if she saw it. I guess all I can say is it is what it is. We are what we are. There are some parts of this type of relationship that maybe not will understand. I guess all we can do is ask those people to understand that it's what we want and please respect it. Maybe some parts don't need to be understood by all.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Feeling of self worth.
So how is it as a sub you follow the orders of your Mistress, know that you have to obey her, feel the power she possess over you, understand that she is the unquestioned leader and her opinion counts as law, yet you feel self worth, feel important and in some ways feel liberated in your relationship?
For me it has to do with confidence in yourself and your abilities and confidence in your Mistress.
Can you imagine the following discussion with a buddy at the bar...
Me: "Ok, I got to get going. It was fun, lets get together again soon."
Friend: "Why are you leaving let's have another beer."
Me: "I can't I asked my fiancee if I could stay longer and she said I needed to be home by 10pm."
Friend: "Really, do you do everything she says?"
Me: "Yes."
Friend: "Wow, maybe you need a backbone, that sounds kind of wimpy. Why do you let her get away with that?"
Me: "Its how we both want it, I'm not wimpy and have plenty of backbone, it's just who we are."
Friend: "Does she have to be home when you tell her to?"
Me: "No, she is free to do what she wants."
Friend: "Aren't you?"
Me: "No I have rules I have to follow."
Friend: "And she doesn't?"
Me: "No she follows rules too. She just makes the rules for each of us and they aren't the same."
Friend: "You don't have a problem with that?"
Me: "No it's what I have always dreamed of."
Friend: "Ok, suit yourself but maybe next time we go out I should ask your fiancee if you can go out or not."
Me: "Whichever, you can ask her or I can ask her."
Friend: "So what if she says she can go out and you have to stay home and do her laundry?"
Me: "It wouldn't be the first time."
Friend: "Don't you feel like a loser, having to do what someone else says all the time?"
Me: "Not at all, I have never been as happy and not don't feel like a loser in any way. I have been the leader in the past, I have been the boss. I know I can do it but she is just better at it, so the job is hers."
Friend: "Wow, I fight for power all the time with my wife. Who gets to drive, who gets to decide what we are doing, what we are buying."
Me: "In my past relationships I did the same thing."
Friend: "How did you get past that huge obstacle of letting go of control?"
Me: "Had to find a person I was willing to follow, that I could trust enough to lead."
Friend: "Well good for you, sounds like this is the best thing for you guys."
Pretty good chance a discussion with a friend would never end this way. That is why I think that we can't make our status public. We understand why we are submissive and we enjoy what we get out of it and we have the confidence to follow the lead of another but getting an outsider to understand is probably extremely difficult. I have never tried to discuss it with an outsider that isn't a fellow submissive or domme but my guess is it wouldn't go so well.
So if I am confident, successful and want to obey my girl, why would that be looked at as a negative by the vanilla world? Is it because they don't have the confidence in themselves or are secure enough about them selves to allow someone else to lead?
Maybe a past experience would lend some clarity.
When I was coaching and was at the beginning of my career, anytime I was with other coaches I would have that feeling that I wanted to show off, show what I knew, that I was equal to their abilities that I was good at this. When we would go to coach training sessions for licensing I would always try to be one of the leaders of the group, I thought it was just how I was. After years of coaching I began to change. I would be ok with other's leading the group, knowing my knowledge was equal or greater than them I had no problem letting the young guy get some experience at the forefront, I didn't have the feeling that I needed to show off. Because I was confident and didn't need to prove myself anymore.
I think that is what a submissive, especially us older ones learn. We don't need to be the ones in charge. However if pressed into duty my Mistress knows I can still be a valuable tool for her and I am plenty comfortable in my abilities that I don't need to prove them. The power is someone else's privilege now. That doesn't make me better than her, it doesn't make me worse it just makes me content in filling the role that she has decided I should.
Maybe that vanilla friend is missing that contentment in life. Maybe also that is why there are more submissive men that are living the lifestyle as they get older.
Who knows just my thoughts.
For me it has to do with confidence in yourself and your abilities and confidence in your Mistress.
Can you imagine the following discussion with a buddy at the bar...
Me: "Ok, I got to get going. It was fun, lets get together again soon."
Friend: "Why are you leaving let's have another beer."
Me: "I can't I asked my fiancee if I could stay longer and she said I needed to be home by 10pm."
Friend: "Really, do you do everything she says?"
Me: "Yes."
Friend: "Wow, maybe you need a backbone, that sounds kind of wimpy. Why do you let her get away with that?"
Me: "Its how we both want it, I'm not wimpy and have plenty of backbone, it's just who we are."
Friend: "Does she have to be home when you tell her to?"
Me: "No, she is free to do what she wants."
Friend: "Aren't you?"
Me: "No I have rules I have to follow."
Friend: "And she doesn't?"
Me: "No she follows rules too. She just makes the rules for each of us and they aren't the same."
Friend: "You don't have a problem with that?"
Me: "No it's what I have always dreamed of."
Friend: "Ok, suit yourself but maybe next time we go out I should ask your fiancee if you can go out or not."
Me: "Whichever, you can ask her or I can ask her."
Friend: "So what if she says she can go out and you have to stay home and do her laundry?"
Me: "It wouldn't be the first time."
Friend: "Don't you feel like a loser, having to do what someone else says all the time?"
Me: "Not at all, I have never been as happy and not don't feel like a loser in any way. I have been the leader in the past, I have been the boss. I know I can do it but she is just better at it, so the job is hers."
Friend: "Wow, I fight for power all the time with my wife. Who gets to drive, who gets to decide what we are doing, what we are buying."
Me: "In my past relationships I did the same thing."
Friend: "How did you get past that huge obstacle of letting go of control?"
Me: "Had to find a person I was willing to follow, that I could trust enough to lead."
Friend: "Well good for you, sounds like this is the best thing for you guys."
Pretty good chance a discussion with a friend would never end this way. That is why I think that we can't make our status public. We understand why we are submissive and we enjoy what we get out of it and we have the confidence to follow the lead of another but getting an outsider to understand is probably extremely difficult. I have never tried to discuss it with an outsider that isn't a fellow submissive or domme but my guess is it wouldn't go so well.
So if I am confident, successful and want to obey my girl, why would that be looked at as a negative by the vanilla world? Is it because they don't have the confidence in themselves or are secure enough about them selves to allow someone else to lead?
Maybe a past experience would lend some clarity.
When I was coaching and was at the beginning of my career, anytime I was with other coaches I would have that feeling that I wanted to show off, show what I knew, that I was equal to their abilities that I was good at this. When we would go to coach training sessions for licensing I would always try to be one of the leaders of the group, I thought it was just how I was. After years of coaching I began to change. I would be ok with other's leading the group, knowing my knowledge was equal or greater than them I had no problem letting the young guy get some experience at the forefront, I didn't have the feeling that I needed to show off. Because I was confident and didn't need to prove myself anymore.
I think that is what a submissive, especially us older ones learn. We don't need to be the ones in charge. However if pressed into duty my Mistress knows I can still be a valuable tool for her and I am plenty comfortable in my abilities that I don't need to prove them. The power is someone else's privilege now. That doesn't make me better than her, it doesn't make me worse it just makes me content in filling the role that she has decided I should.
Maybe that vanilla friend is missing that contentment in life. Maybe also that is why there are more submissive men that are living the lifestyle as they get older.
Who knows just my thoughts.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Submissive life as the weather turns
Well first of all I want to apologize a bit. First with things being so busy I have not had time to blog as much as I would like. But just as importantly I want to apologize to those people whose blogs I read consistently. I feel bad not keeping up on what is going one with everyone.
With the weather warming Mistress decided our first outdoor golf day was in order. Not a moment too soon I might add. Also finished installing a new bar in our rec room. Complete with a display cabinet for shot glasses. All custom made with Solid surface bar top. Mistress is very happy with the results.
Now that is done I can concentrate on more submissive things. Like raking leaves and continually adjusting my panties that aren't staying up correctly. One thing I have to admit, when the weather turns nicer choosing panties has a different approach. For one thing certain panties ride different. So if you are golfing and wearing a pair that doesn't keep things in so well there could be issues. Or the ones that don't stay up so well due to the lack of proper shape they were made for. Luckily Mistress allows me to choose which ones I wish to wear each day. However when she is in one of those moods she may purposely make me change them to a pair that she knows will give me trouble. She absolutely loves to ask me why I am continually adjusting things while we are golfing. Knowing darn well that she caused it all by making me wear a certain pair of panties. She then will always take the opportunity that she may choose to not wear a pair because she has that right and option while I don't.
It's just part of the fun we have and her way of flaunting her authority.
Thank god she enjoys that almost as much as I do.
With the weather warming Mistress decided our first outdoor golf day was in order. Not a moment too soon I might add. Also finished installing a new bar in our rec room. Complete with a display cabinet for shot glasses. All custom made with Solid surface bar top. Mistress is very happy with the results.
Now that is done I can concentrate on more submissive things. Like raking leaves and continually adjusting my panties that aren't staying up correctly. One thing I have to admit, when the weather turns nicer choosing panties has a different approach. For one thing certain panties ride different. So if you are golfing and wearing a pair that doesn't keep things in so well there could be issues. Or the ones that don't stay up so well due to the lack of proper shape they were made for. Luckily Mistress allows me to choose which ones I wish to wear each day. However when she is in one of those moods she may purposely make me change them to a pair that she knows will give me trouble. She absolutely loves to ask me why I am continually adjusting things while we are golfing. Knowing darn well that she caused it all by making me wear a certain pair of panties. She then will always take the opportunity that she may choose to not wear a pair because she has that right and option while I don't.
It's just part of the fun we have and her way of flaunting her authority.
Thank god she enjoys that almost as much as I do.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Strange Week
Strange week it was.
Getting over being sick. Weather changing, met a new friend for lunch, first time meeting with a person who shares my submissive desires. We had a great time and will definitely do it again. Probably one day our Mistress' will meet. That could be trouble for both of us. LOL.
Besides that late last week Mistress got upset at me, not I forgot to make the bed or make sure her jeans were washed upset but really upset.
I was worried about something and completely lost my thought process. Didn't show her the proper respect I usually do and she didn't like it. She asked me straight up, "Is your submissiveness going to be conditional, or full time." The question really surprised me and the worst part was I was completely oblivious to the fact that the lack of respect actually happened. I was so sidetracked by the issue at hand.
It really caused some inward thought to happen, I was really upset at myself, more than she was at me.
It brought me to a place where I used to be in my past, where I was less aware of what was going on around me, kind of like tunnel vision. I have spent the last 5 years on leaving this part of me in the past and for it to pop up, even if it was for a few minutes really made me unhappy with myself. It reminded me of a selfish time in my life. A time that I look back as the dark portion of my life.
Without going into too much detail about the actual incident because it really wasn't the issue, the issue was more basic in regards to our relationship.
First I felt I let her down, she even let me know that what happened was a small thing and not a big deal but she wanted for us to be honest about what we are in regards to our D/s life together.
After a long evening of just talking about it I realize now that as much as I want this to be real, for my life as her submissive, her servant and my life of obeying her to be real, not a game, she wants the same thing. She didn't like what happened and felt disrespected and felt that as her sub I owed her more...She couldn't have been more correct and just getting questioned about it really opened me up to raw nerves of emotion that I haven't felt for a long time.
The healing from that really helped solidify everything about what we are even more. The weekend was spent doing the things we love to do, we golfed, we went out to the bar, watched some sports and had a great time and spent some alone time together as well but her dominance was in high gear and she did put it to good use. Lets just say each day I was quite tired after serving her for the day. It was truly almost a great weekend.
I say almost because Sunday afternoon found both of our teams lose in the elite 8 of the NCAA basketball tournament. We are a house divided and being from Michigan you can probably guess the two schools we root for. Her team is puke green and white while mine is a beautiful shade of maize and blue. Hahahaha. good thing she doesn't read my blog, my ass would look like Jay's from sub hub in phoenix. LOL.
Getting over being sick. Weather changing, met a new friend for lunch, first time meeting with a person who shares my submissive desires. We had a great time and will definitely do it again. Probably one day our Mistress' will meet. That could be trouble for both of us. LOL.
Besides that late last week Mistress got upset at me, not I forgot to make the bed or make sure her jeans were washed upset but really upset.
I was worried about something and completely lost my thought process. Didn't show her the proper respect I usually do and she didn't like it. She asked me straight up, "Is your submissiveness going to be conditional, or full time." The question really surprised me and the worst part was I was completely oblivious to the fact that the lack of respect actually happened. I was so sidetracked by the issue at hand.
It really caused some inward thought to happen, I was really upset at myself, more than she was at me.
It brought me to a place where I used to be in my past, where I was less aware of what was going on around me, kind of like tunnel vision. I have spent the last 5 years on leaving this part of me in the past and for it to pop up, even if it was for a few minutes really made me unhappy with myself. It reminded me of a selfish time in my life. A time that I look back as the dark portion of my life.
Without going into too much detail about the actual incident because it really wasn't the issue, the issue was more basic in regards to our relationship.
First I felt I let her down, she even let me know that what happened was a small thing and not a big deal but she wanted for us to be honest about what we are in regards to our D/s life together.
After a long evening of just talking about it I realize now that as much as I want this to be real, for my life as her submissive, her servant and my life of obeying her to be real, not a game, she wants the same thing. She didn't like what happened and felt disrespected and felt that as her sub I owed her more...She couldn't have been more correct and just getting questioned about it really opened me up to raw nerves of emotion that I haven't felt for a long time.
The healing from that really helped solidify everything about what we are even more. The weekend was spent doing the things we love to do, we golfed, we went out to the bar, watched some sports and had a great time and spent some alone time together as well but her dominance was in high gear and she did put it to good use. Lets just say each day I was quite tired after serving her for the day. It was truly almost a great weekend.
I say almost because Sunday afternoon found both of our teams lose in the elite 8 of the NCAA basketball tournament. We are a house divided and being from Michigan you can probably guess the two schools we root for. Her team is puke green and white while mine is a beautiful shade of maize and blue. Hahahaha. good thing she doesn't read my blog, my ass would look like Jay's from sub hub in phoenix. LOL.
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