Feeling of self worth.

So how is it as a sub you follow the orders of your Mistress, know that you have to obey her, feel the power she possess over you, understand that she is the unquestioned leader and her opinion counts as law, yet you feel self worth, feel important and in some ways feel liberated in your relationship?

For me it has to do with confidence in yourself and your abilities and confidence in your Mistress.

Can you imagine the following discussion with a buddy at the bar...

Me: "Ok, I got to get going. It was fun, lets get together again soon."
Friend: "Why are you leaving let's have another beer."
Me: "I can't I asked my fiancee if I could stay longer and she said I needed to be home by 10pm."
Friend: "Really, do you do everything she says?"
Me: "Yes."
Friend: "Wow, maybe you need a backbone, that sounds kind of wimpy. Why do you let her get away with that?"
Me: "Its how we both want it, I'm not wimpy and have plenty of backbone, it's just who we are."
Friend: "Does she have to be home when you tell her to?"
Me: "No, she is free to do what she wants."
Friend: "Aren't you?"
Me: "No I have rules I have to follow."
Friend: "And she doesn't?"
Me: "No she follows rules too. She just makes the rules for each of us and they aren't the same."
Friend: "You don't have a problem with that?"
Me: "No it's what I have always dreamed of."
Friend: "Ok, suit yourself but maybe next time we go out I should ask your fiancee if you can go out or not."
Me: "Whichever, you can ask her or I can ask her."
Friend: "So what if she says she can go out and you have to stay home and do her laundry?"
Me: "It wouldn't be the first time."
Friend: "Don't you feel like a loser, having to do what someone else says all the time?"
Me: "Not at all, I have never been as happy and not don't feel like a loser in any way. I have been the leader in the past, I have been the boss. I know I can do it but she is just better at it, so the job is hers."
Friend: "Wow, I fight for power all the time with my wife. Who gets to drive, who gets to decide what we are doing, what we are buying."
Me: "In my past relationships I did the same thing."
Friend: "How did you get past that huge obstacle of letting go of control?"
Me: "Had to find a person I was willing to follow, that I could trust enough to lead."
Friend: "Well good for you, sounds like this is the best thing for you guys."

Pretty good chance a discussion with a friend would never end this way. That is why I think that we can't make our status public. We understand why we are submissive and we enjoy what we get out of it and we have the confidence to follow the lead of another but getting an outsider to understand is probably extremely difficult. I have never tried to discuss it with an outsider that isn't a fellow submissive or domme but my guess is it wouldn't go so well.

So if I am confident, successful and want to obey my girl, why would that be looked at as a negative by the vanilla world? Is it because they don't have the confidence in themselves or are secure enough about them selves to allow someone else to lead?

Maybe a past experience would lend some clarity.

When I was coaching and was at the beginning of my career, anytime I was with other coaches I would have that feeling that I wanted to show off, show what I knew, that I was equal to their abilities that I was good at this. When we would go to coach training sessions for licensing I would always try to be one of the leaders of the group, I thought it was just how I was. After years of coaching I began to change. I would be ok with other's leading the group, knowing my knowledge was equal or greater than them I had no problem letting the young guy get some experience at the forefront, I didn't have the feeling that I needed to show off. Because I was confident and didn't need to prove myself anymore.

I think that is what a submissive, especially us older ones learn. We don't need to be the ones in charge. However if pressed into duty my Mistress knows I can still be a valuable tool for her and I am plenty comfortable in my abilities that I don't need to prove them. The power is someone else's privilege now. That doesn't make me better than her, it doesn't make me worse it just makes me content in filling the role that she has decided I should.

Maybe that vanilla friend is missing that contentment in life. Maybe also that is why there are more submissive men that are living the lifestyle as they get older.

Who knows just my  thoughts.