I might get off the FLR train for a bit here. The last few days I have been tracking down someone who owes me money. Not huge amount but that isn't the point. He wanted a job done quickly and said he would pay quickly. He has literally promised me the payment on at least 14 occasions since December 19th. I am not exaggerating...14 times. Each time something comes up, somebody is sick, he is sick, somebody went out of town and he can't come see me, the bank is closed today. Yada yada yada. But yet he answers my calls most of the time and although he will disappear for a day or so he always calls back with another excuse on why he couldn't make it happen.
Monday I was really frustrated, he said once and for all he would meet me Tuesday no excuses and guess what a full day of no answering the phone. Today he calls first thing in the morning and low and behold it was a kidney stone. Now here is the part that is tough. He may be telling the truth today. But after so many other times that he didn't show it's hard to gain sympathy and its even harder to believe him. Now I am told that tomorrow he will have it, rain, shine, snow or yes even kidney stone.
So that brings me to my point. As subs in an FLR we, I say we assuming that some of those reading are like me, we pride ourselves on acting exactly the opposite of the above mentioned behavior. We want to be reliable, we want to do what we say we are going to do and don't we all try not to disappoint?
I would love to hear comments from others about how experiences they have went thru relate to this.
I wonder if being someone who tries very hard to be the complete opposite of the person I am dealing with makes ones tolerance for that behavior even more difficult to deal with?
SOS, I'll stick my neck out here and state that I'm not following it is you are really asking. I don't know that my feelings would be any different if this man came into my life as a submissive or came into my life 10 years ago when I wasn't. YOu two had an understanding. He was going to pay you for services. He isn't paying. That would bother me. My thought would be whether or not it is worth risking your friendship over the $ or not. If he really is falling on a series of hard times then so be it. If you feel he's not being honest then call him and tell him you are coming over tomorrow and expect to be paid.
ReplyDeleteI guess I wasn't very clear. It was just a business deal at work. Nothing to do with the the FLR world, my company built some stuff for his office and he wanted a discount and in exchange for the discount he was going to pay more quickly than our standard payment terms. He has made every excuse in the book to NOT show up to pay when and what he should and it brought me to the discussion on people in general and how they disappoint us. I related it to the typical submissive who takes pride in being anything but a disappointment so with that in mind as a submissive who prides themselves on that, how do you feel when others disappoint you.
DeleteThe first point listed in many of the D/s agreements I have read contains a word that make this most interesting; honesty. No, wait, not just honesty, complete honesty.
ReplyDeleteThe spot that I occupy in my outside life has not really changed much since my homelife has changed, at least not that I am aware of, but some of the underlying feelings that reside within me in that beyond the home world have been retuned. Like most people, I would like to believe I am basically a "good" person; a good citizen, fair in my business dealings and take my faith seriously as a person who very much needs it. Not perfect, but we do try to do the right thing. Now, a wlm, flr, or whatever enters your life. It was surprising to me how naturally the feeling of being totally upfront, not hiding, simply being honest with your wife came to be most important immediately. I did not want to deceive her, to try to get away with doing what I want without her knowledge any more. I needed to be honest with her. These feelings came to me all on my own without having to be seeded by reading others blogs. Being honest seems to especially be a key element in this kind of a relationship.
As can be expected, the spillover into the rest of my life was inevitable. Seeing someone cheat someone, overcharge someone, or in general be dishonest gives me more pause now than perhaps it had in the past. I do think my new relationship with my wife has made me more aware of my relationships with others. I am much less likely to just be going through the motions and see how important the smaller things in each particular action are now.
Exactly j thornebuck, maybe before my flr I would have thought differently about the way this guy is deceiving. It's the "spillover" (nice choice of word) to the regular life that I think makes me pause to contemplate how people can do things with a clear conscience.
DeleteAs an update he promised me yesterday he would pay everything in full and no excuses. I met him halfway across town he paid everything as he said....except he said he was short a bit and didn't have it all. I said in a non confrontational voice, "When you said to meet me an hour ago you said you had it all for me, why didn't you just tell me then it was short a bit?" His answer, "I figured that was close enough and didn't want to upset you on the drive over." I said, "I just don't want wasted time and energy, if you just let me know the truth it's much easier, if your having money trouble for a week or so, just let me know, I will be cool with it but I just want to have honesty." He said, "Ok I know for next time." I shook his hand and we parted ways, all I could think on the drive home was 'Seriously I had to let this guy know that honesty is the best policy? Wouldn't that be a given." Well either way I got most of what was owed. He said he is going to come by monday and drop off the rest or just mail the check. I will be extremely surprised if that occurs when he says. Just the recent history makes it difficult to believe him.
ReplyDeleteBefore David I was involved in an online relationship with another submissive male for a couple of years and I had thought it was going somewhere. Now I can say thankully it didn't work out but before it came to that this person disappointed me time and time again. Even waited till I was already checked into our hotel we were going to spend a week at to tell me he got off the plane hours earlier because he panicked. In hindsight it was all for the best. But when David and I met and decided to pursue a relationship it was extremely important to him to follow thru on everything he said he would do. In a way he worked harder at it than he needed to just to make sure he never acted like the other guy did. He knew how extremely hurt I was prior to him. He may make mistakes here and there that warrant a punishment, but when it comes to the big stuff and his overall treatment of m he has never let me down. I think it is vital that people DO what they say they are going to DO and then when somone establishes themselves as reliable if something comes up its very easy to understand. Nice post.
ReplyDelete