Ok I will admit to being confused about this but here goes.
Lately I have had these cravings for punishment, what kind of punishment? Well no particular kind just craving that feeling of having to pay for something that was done incorrectly in the mind of Mistress.
So am I craving for her to say, "Lay over the bed, I am going to give it to you good just because I feel like it?"
No not really, although the prior sentence is a complete turn on due to the fact that she is imposing her wishes just because she feels like it.
No it's more about being punished for something I did wrong.
So does this mean I want to screw something up so she punishes me....Nope that's isn't it either. I don't want to screw up anything she tells me to do. I want to do it right and have her happy about it.
So am I saying I want to do my very best only to find out it wasn't good enough and then get punished??
I think so. Such a strange way of thinking. I guess in the end I want to do my best but in some ways I am hoping that despite my best effort Mistress will find something that is legitimately wrong so when she punishes me I know I tried and failed and now have to be punished....
The worst thing about it is I am not confused at all. Not about what I want. But just confused on why I want this.
I think part of it is things have been so smooth for us lately that I might be missing some of that part of the FLR. That part when she says, "Not good enough, and now you have to pay."
I admit I know that sooner or later it will happen, it's just that craving that I have been having lately that is making me filled with want.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Beautiful Weekend
It was a very busy and extremely wonderful weekend. Lots of golf for us and more importantly spending almost every waking hour together.
Saturday morning was the only time apart, she had a few appointments, hair, nails and such and she left me home to take care cleaning the house.
There wasn't a ton of dominant moments just the everyday subtle types of dominance that pretty much fill our lives now. A comment here, a warning about something needing to be done there. The point is that even with the subtle low key dominance life is still everything it can be for us.
A couple of dinners at locations where we could sit outside. Including one at the river where the freighters were passing as we ate. Pretty awesome to see a huge freighter pass right in front of you, over 1,000 feet long and filled with 68,000 tons of iron ore.
I guess its one of the few nice things about living where we do, every boat travelling from the upper great lakes to ports to the east or even eventually the ocean has to pass right by the downtown area.
The other side of the river is Canada.
I hope everyone had a great Memorial weekend (for those that celebrate that holiday) and I want to thank all the men and women who have given their lives to make sure the rest of us can enjoy ours.
Saturday morning was the only time apart, she had a few appointments, hair, nails and such and she left me home to take care cleaning the house.
There wasn't a ton of dominant moments just the everyday subtle types of dominance that pretty much fill our lives now. A comment here, a warning about something needing to be done there. The point is that even with the subtle low key dominance life is still everything it can be for us.
A couple of dinners at locations where we could sit outside. Including one at the river where the freighters were passing as we ate. Pretty awesome to see a huge freighter pass right in front of you, over 1,000 feet long and filled with 68,000 tons of iron ore.
I guess its one of the few nice things about living where we do, every boat travelling from the upper great lakes to ports to the east or even eventually the ocean has to pass right by the downtown area.
I hope everyone had a great Memorial weekend (for those that celebrate that holiday) and I want to thank all the men and women who have given their lives to make sure the rest of us can enjoy ours.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Wow, that dress.
Yesterday Mistress wore a new yellow dress to work. All I can say is OMG amazing. Its so awesome to feel so excited by the one you love.
While I am sure she enjoyed my comments that I made to her on how she looked I can't say enough about what I feel about her. I am not just talking about our love either, I am referring to the complete pure and simple excitement of her beauty to me....I know I know, its all in the eyes of the beholder. I get that.
BUT...I also get that when a person feels such a way about his (or her) partner they should say it. It got me thinking. (not always the best thing for me.)
How many times do I think she looks good in something else and just let the moment pass???
Probably too many. Yes I tell her I love her, yes I do tell her she is beautiful but there is something about a small comment before work or just in the normal every day situation where one says. "Wow you look great." I suppose its easy when you are in each others arms or in a romantic situation to profess how you think she looks beautiful but something about just making a normal everyday comment that can brighten someones day.
Whether it was the dress or just me taking a moment to realize what I have I am not sure but it set the tone for a great start to the day. I couldn't get her out of my mind the entire drive to work.
It never ceases to amaze me that small things can make such a big difference to a relationship. While I would never advocate saying things just for the sake of saying them such as things you might not really mean. That isn't honest and most likely your partner will see thru it.
But I will say when you feel something positive about your partner, let the comment fly, don't wait until that romantic time of day, don't wait until bedtime. Let her know in an email at work, a text or yup, even while she is getting ready for work.
So what does this have to do with my submissiveness, or our FLR?...Not a damn thing but I guess it points out that this type of behavior is good for all of us, vanilla, FLR or whatever your flavor may be.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Strange dreams
As anyone who has read my blog probably knows I have had submissive feelings since as early as I can remember. Over the years the fantasies have changed, funny the difference between what a 13 year old fantasizes about and what an adult fantasizes about.
However when I examine it, it's all the same, just a different perspective of the control a woman has in my dreams from year to year.
Of course now I live the dream and it's better than any fantasy but until meeting Mistress that was never the case.
The other day I had a dream, a dream that brought up fantasies I had in high school. So much different than now.
It was a common fantasy I had from the younger days. Something along the lines of meeting a girl and beginning to date and one day getting invited to her house. When I arrive I am sat down by my new girlfriend and her mom to explain to me that from now on I would have to do what my girlfriend would tell me. I think at the time the mom was the authority figure to ensure that I would follow through on my obedience.
These dreams manifested themselves in my early days in many ways, with the premise that I was supposed to obey my new girlfriend the sky was the limit for fantasizing, doing her homework, cleaning her room. The list just goes on.
I told Mistress about the dream and even tried to figure out why after so many years I dreamed of those old days. Maybe in some ways it is still me trying to think about what I may have missed by not embracing my submissiveness until a much older age.
I suppose if the internet would have been around earlier I would have had the knowledge to realize what I was and it might have changed everything.
Considering I wouldn't want to change anything in my life I will just be grateful for living my submissive life now in my forties, instead of when I was much younger.
However when I examine it, it's all the same, just a different perspective of the control a woman has in my dreams from year to year.
Of course now I live the dream and it's better than any fantasy but until meeting Mistress that was never the case.
The other day I had a dream, a dream that brought up fantasies I had in high school. So much different than now.
It was a common fantasy I had from the younger days. Something along the lines of meeting a girl and beginning to date and one day getting invited to her house. When I arrive I am sat down by my new girlfriend and her mom to explain to me that from now on I would have to do what my girlfriend would tell me. I think at the time the mom was the authority figure to ensure that I would follow through on my obedience.
These dreams manifested themselves in my early days in many ways, with the premise that I was supposed to obey my new girlfriend the sky was the limit for fantasizing, doing her homework, cleaning her room. The list just goes on.
I told Mistress about the dream and even tried to figure out why after so many years I dreamed of those old days. Maybe in some ways it is still me trying to think about what I may have missed by not embracing my submissiveness until a much older age.
I suppose if the internet would have been around earlier I would have had the knowledge to realize what I was and it might have changed everything.
Considering I wouldn't want to change anything in my life I will just be grateful for living my submissive life now in my forties, instead of when I was much younger.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Routine but yet not routine.
Seems like since going back to empty nest things are back to being routine.
Of course routine for us isn't what I would call routine for the average world.
Yup lots of golf and time together but also some small items that need to be tightened up so I can avoid future punishment.
Mistress isn't too excited about the rate I get her clothes to the drycleaner and picked up for her to wear again. Right now there are 3 dresses being cleaned. She remarked that if they were taken as soon as they were in need of cleaning then at least one would be back in her closet...Point taken.
Also it was pointed out that the ironing needs to be done a bit quicker... Point also taken.
Floors need to be cleaned a bit more often...Point taken yet again.
Now for the hard part. To make sure the follow thru happens when things are busy. That will be the challenge I face this week.
And of course to add to the mix I am officially on a diet. The winter was a tough one for me and not being active and retirement from coaching has left it necessary to jumpstart getting into shape. Good thing is I don't have a ton to lose but the act of not being free to eat what you choose always changes planning meals, shopping and preparation of things.
Of course the biggest part of that is more exercise. That won't be a big problem for me but it's just time to do it.
Of course routine for us isn't what I would call routine for the average world.
Yup lots of golf and time together but also some small items that need to be tightened up so I can avoid future punishment.
Mistress isn't too excited about the rate I get her clothes to the drycleaner and picked up for her to wear again. Right now there are 3 dresses being cleaned. She remarked that if they were taken as soon as they were in need of cleaning then at least one would be back in her closet...Point taken.
Also it was pointed out that the ironing needs to be done a bit quicker... Point also taken.
Floors need to be cleaned a bit more often...Point taken yet again.
Now for the hard part. To make sure the follow thru happens when things are busy. That will be the challenge I face this week.
And of course to add to the mix I am officially on a diet. The winter was a tough one for me and not being active and retirement from coaching has left it necessary to jumpstart getting into shape. Good thing is I don't have a ton to lose but the act of not being free to eat what you choose always changes planning meals, shopping and preparation of things.
Of course the biggest part of that is more exercise. That won't be a big problem for me but it's just time to do it.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Mother's Day Weekend
Finally the weather seems to have turned to a more summer type that should be expected around here this time of year.
Empty nest is back again as Mistress' daughter left for her trip. She will be gone for a while so Mistress was a bit sad that she would spend Mother's day without her daughter but she realizes it's just part of growing up.
That left us with time to do what Mistress wants on Mother's day...That was easy; a day on the golf course and a sunburn to go along with it. Overall it was a great day.
Of course with the empty nest means that we are now back to our standard operating procedure in our house. Busy weekend or not it's now time for the chores to be done in a timely manner. Mistress already warned me about not having her favorite pair of pants ready for her to wear yesterday. That has been rectified and everything is back on track again.
Next few days will be spent getting things to where Mistress wants them and then I am sure the next adventure will be ready to play out.
Empty nest is back again as Mistress' daughter left for her trip. She will be gone for a while so Mistress was a bit sad that she would spend Mother's day without her daughter but she realizes it's just part of growing up.
That left us with time to do what Mistress wants on Mother's day...That was easy; a day on the golf course and a sunburn to go along with it. Overall it was a great day.
Of course with the empty nest means that we are now back to our standard operating procedure in our house. Busy weekend or not it's now time for the chores to be done in a timely manner. Mistress already warned me about not having her favorite pair of pants ready for her to wear yesterday. That has been rectified and everything is back on track again.
Next few days will be spent getting things to where Mistress wants them and then I am sure the next adventure will be ready to play out.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Some extra chores
Busy week around our house, Mistress' daughter is leaving for a trip in a couple of days so they are doing a lot of preparation, shopping and things like that.
So she is having a guest for a couple of days and that person is allergic to dog hair. Not good in our house, so she wants to make sure the house is pretty free from hair, vacuuming chairs, carpet, couches, you name it.
Her daughter is also concerned about preparations for her trip so Mistress just mentions that she won't have to bother with doing all the cleaning that "He" (meaning me) will do it while they are out shopping. Of course I say without issue, "Sure, I will take care of it." Her daughter thanked me and they went out to do some shopping leaving me home to do her cleaning.
Later that night when the Daughter wasn't around Mistress said it would be a nice touch to wake up early tomorrow and clean all the floors. So this morning quite a bit earlier than I would wake up to go to work I was scrubbing away.
Everyone in the house is pretty happy now, they are for the house looking good and me for being able to have a little submissiveness early on a Wednesday morning.
So she is having a guest for a couple of days and that person is allergic to dog hair. Not good in our house, so she wants to make sure the house is pretty free from hair, vacuuming chairs, carpet, couches, you name it.
Her daughter is also concerned about preparations for her trip so Mistress just mentions that she won't have to bother with doing all the cleaning that "He" (meaning me) will do it while they are out shopping. Of course I say without issue, "Sure, I will take care of it." Her daughter thanked me and they went out to do some shopping leaving me home to do her cleaning.
Later that night when the Daughter wasn't around Mistress said it would be a nice touch to wake up early tomorrow and clean all the floors. So this morning quite a bit earlier than I would wake up to go to work I was scrubbing away.
Everyone in the house is pretty happy now, they are for the house looking good and me for being able to have a little submissiveness early on a Wednesday morning.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Birthday and other gifts
Last weekend was my birthday, not that I say it to gain people to congratulate me. If you know me then you know I would rather no one remembered then I wouldn't have to count the added year...It works that way, right?????
I was a great day, Mistress got me an excellent gift that is used for golf and the day was fun, we attended an all day party, (not for my birthday but by coincidence it fell on the same day). So the day was spent with friends, music and of course a good friend of mine...Beer.
The point here isn't so much the birthday present but what I got the week before. Mistress went shopping for herself to get some work clothes. When she came home she also had purchased 3 new pairs of panties for me. Funny how that gift was as important to me as the birthday gift that cost probably 25 times the cost.
It made me realize that she values the idea of me wearing panties and being the submissive in our relationship. It symbolizes that her control isn't going away and it shows me that she is expects my obedience. How does it that some panties says all that?
Hmmm, not sure I can totally answer that but its just a feeling I get. When she brought them home and gave them to me she was very to the point to say, "here are some new panties for you, some of the other ones are getting worn out." It was put as a cold hard fact that by her decision I will be wearing panties for a long time to come.
I thanked her for those panties just as much as I thanked her for the awesome birthday gift. I guess what the panties represent in our relationship is a gift much greater than anything that can be bought in a store.
I was a great day, Mistress got me an excellent gift that is used for golf and the day was fun, we attended an all day party, (not for my birthday but by coincidence it fell on the same day). So the day was spent with friends, music and of course a good friend of mine...Beer.
The point here isn't so much the birthday present but what I got the week before. Mistress went shopping for herself to get some work clothes. When she came home she also had purchased 3 new pairs of panties for me. Funny how that gift was as important to me as the birthday gift that cost probably 25 times the cost.
It made me realize that she values the idea of me wearing panties and being the submissive in our relationship. It symbolizes that her control isn't going away and it shows me that she is expects my obedience. How does it that some panties says all that?
Hmmm, not sure I can totally answer that but its just a feeling I get. When she brought them home and gave them to me she was very to the point to say, "here are some new panties for you, some of the other ones are getting worn out." It was put as a cold hard fact that by her decision I will be wearing panties for a long time to come.
I thanked her for those panties just as much as I thanked her for the awesome birthday gift. I guess what the panties represent in our relationship is a gift much greater than anything that can be bought in a store.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Reevaluating where we are at.
I guess in some ways I am happy just as things are. I read other blogs and realize that our lifestyle is probably not as exciting as others. Sometimes I think should I want more? Or are things good just the way they are?
We are full time FLR without a doubt. We live the life and it feels spectacular, we are both happy and wouldn't ever go back to a vanilla relationship. But at times it gets you to wonder, what is it that makes your relationship tick.
With us it isn't kink although I suppose kneeling in front of your partner and having her judge you on what you do is kinky in it's own right. But it is a bit different from others.
Its real life, real life issues with the only difference from a vanilla relationship is who is in charge.
I have given this much thought the last few days since my last post and what I came up with is this.
I don't want anything to change with how we are. Now I understand it won't make for as exciting reading for my audience but it's the real us. I decided when I began reposting after my long absence that I was going to write for me. As my outlet for my experiences. I admit I do that but sometimes I have been reluctant to post lately as there is no exciting FLR things happening.
As much as I write for myself I certainly don't want people to read and yawn at what I write so I guess it leaves me reevaluating things. Not my relationship but more about writing.
I guess what I have decided is this. Stay true to what I decided, write for me, for my outlet of my thoughts. Hopefully there will be enough excitement to not bore those that enjoy to read my blog. But also understand the quantity of movie filled D/s story lines won't be abundant.
There will be times where things happen exciting and I will be sure to post them but overall I can't promise an exciting soap opera that will leave you wanting the next chapter.
I am good with that though. I think for me it's important to document some of the regular going on's as well as the exciting stuff.
This has been spurred on because I have been posting less because quite frankly things that have been happening haven't been as story worthy. I need to change that and just document what happens more and worry about telling a gripping story less.
Also please don't take this post incorrectly, this is in no way a "poor me" thing. I am perfectly happy with how things are, I guess I need to understand that I don't need to always have something extraordinary to write to post something.
I have in the last few weeks had at least 4 times where I was just going to sit down and blogged but decided against it because what I would have wrote about wasn't what I would call "Newsworthy".
See you soon.
We are full time FLR without a doubt. We live the life and it feels spectacular, we are both happy and wouldn't ever go back to a vanilla relationship. But at times it gets you to wonder, what is it that makes your relationship tick.
With us it isn't kink although I suppose kneeling in front of your partner and having her judge you on what you do is kinky in it's own right. But it is a bit different from others.
Its real life, real life issues with the only difference from a vanilla relationship is who is in charge.
I have given this much thought the last few days since my last post and what I came up with is this.
I don't want anything to change with how we are. Now I understand it won't make for as exciting reading for my audience but it's the real us. I decided when I began reposting after my long absence that I was going to write for me. As my outlet for my experiences. I admit I do that but sometimes I have been reluctant to post lately as there is no exciting FLR things happening.
As much as I write for myself I certainly don't want people to read and yawn at what I write so I guess it leaves me reevaluating things. Not my relationship but more about writing.
I guess what I have decided is this. Stay true to what I decided, write for me, for my outlet of my thoughts. Hopefully there will be enough excitement to not bore those that enjoy to read my blog. But also understand the quantity of movie filled D/s story lines won't be abundant.
There will be times where things happen exciting and I will be sure to post them but overall I can't promise an exciting soap opera that will leave you wanting the next chapter.
I am good with that though. I think for me it's important to document some of the regular going on's as well as the exciting stuff.
This has been spurred on because I have been posting less because quite frankly things that have been happening haven't been as story worthy. I need to change that and just document what happens more and worry about telling a gripping story less.
Also please don't take this post incorrectly, this is in no way a "poor me" thing. I am perfectly happy with how things are, I guess I need to understand that I don't need to always have something extraordinary to write to post something.
I have in the last few weeks had at least 4 times where I was just going to sit down and blogged but decided against it because what I would have wrote about wasn't what I would call "Newsworthy".
See you soon.
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