Ok I will admit to being confused about this but here goes.
Lately I have had these cravings for punishment, what kind of punishment? Well no particular kind just craving that feeling of having to pay for something that was done incorrectly in the mind of Mistress.
So am I craving for her to say, "Lay over the bed, I am going to give it to you good just because I feel like it?"
No not really, although the prior sentence is a complete turn on due to the fact that she is imposing her wishes just because she feels like it.
No it's more about being punished for something I did wrong.
So does this mean I want to screw something up so she punishes me....Nope that's isn't it either. I don't want to screw up anything she tells me to do. I want to do it right and have her happy about it.
So am I saying I want to do my very best only to find out it wasn't good enough and then get punished??
I think so. Such a strange way of thinking. I guess in the end I want to do my best but in some ways I am hoping that despite my best effort Mistress will find something that is legitimately wrong so when she punishes me I know I tried and failed and now have to be punished....
The worst thing about it is I am not confused at all. Not about what I want. But just confused on why I want this.
I think part of it is things have been so smooth for us lately that I might be missing some of that part of the FLR. That part when she says, "Not good enough, and now you have to pay."
I admit I know that sooner or later it will happen, it's just that craving that I have been having lately that is making me filled with want.
I can relate brother. For me, I sometimes feel like when things are going particularly for a spell, I hope and want for Mistress to extend the limits, narrow the fences, ratchet up the level of expectation of me in my service and devotion to her. Then shortly after that I begin to feel like maybe I am denying Mistress the right to enjoy the calm seas and blue skies we are sailing in at the time. I recently asked Mistress if we could have a conversation about this very topic. Well ... I asked her if we could talk about testing and maybe even redefining my limits.
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