Uncomfortable topic

Ok time to write about an uncomfortable topic for me.

Cross dressing....

I know a lot of people don't get into it, that's fine but for those of us who do...Why?

I spent decades of my life fantasizing about it without ever doing it, I was too scared, too embarrassed and just thought if it stayed in my mind it wasn't really who I was. So I never tried it but I thought about it all the time.

I would dream that a beautiful woman would own me and make me her slave, dress me up as a maid and make me clean for her and just serve her, to be there for her, without reward. I pictured her giving me this maids outfit to wear that I would act like it was torture to wear it but inside I would be excited beyond belief.

See that's the point. She made me do it...it wasn't my wishes. Well that's a bunch of crap. One thing I learned from Mistress is that she didn't mind me doing it if I wanted to. She has accepted it but it's not anything she makes me do. In the beginning when telling her about my cross dress desires in play she made me do it and I did exactly what my fantasies of old dictated, I acted like I was being forced.

It has taken me a long time to admit that it's something I like, something "I" want to do. That was a hurdle for me. One that didn't get cleared until recently. Now things are different in that regard, I do it when I choose and feel much more at ease with it.

I won't act like I do it all the time, I do it when I clean after work on early on the weekends when I get up to clean. It adds to my submission but yet it is a separate thing from submission.

I am submissive without cross dressing but its hard to cross dress without being in a submissive mood. One thing is for sure, my motivation to work harder, clean better and be more obedient is both more effective for her and more enjoyable for me when I am dressed up.

What does this mean??? Probably not a damn thing but for me to discuss it is just another way for me being closer to who I truly am. Maybe this is a bit of therapy for a guy who lived 40 plus years only dreaming of what he really wanted in life. Therapy for a person who had their fantasies locked in their own head for decades never to be told to a soul, now all of a sudden it's real and it's better than any of those fantasies I have ever pictured.

One thing I am seeing is that, my fantasy that a girl wants me to dress as a girl so I can deal with heels like she has had to do for years isn't the way it works. I am sure most girls have no desire to see their guy dressed like this but there are some that realize that their man wants, maybe even needs this once in a while and is more than willing to "Put up with it" because of the love they have for them.

Many think that in an FLR the men serve and get little in return, if you are one of those who see that from the outside you really are wrong, us men in an FLR get just as much of what we want if not more than the ones we serve, just what we get out of it doesn't match what the average person wants out of a relationship.