In reference to I'm Hers post Is Two times the charm?

If you haven't read it already, I recommend you read I'm Hers post today, it really made me think about my own situation.

In case you haven't read it and don't have time to go over there, his post is called "Is two times the charm?"

He writes about the reason why many femdom relationships are successful as second marriages.

This really hit home for me. Obviously I wouldn't write about it if I wasn't in that exact situation but I have thought many hours on why this is the case? Before even reading this post I thought for the last few years on what is different this time around and why we are successful in a femdom relationship.

Well the easy answer is everything, but to be more specific there are a few things that make the FLR dynamic work for us now.

Mistress and I have talked in the past about what could have been, how our lives would be different if we met early in life instead of in our forties.

We came to the conclusion that there is an almost certainty that if we would have met when we were 20 we would have never been together. Huh? What? Why?

We were both different people back then.

Back then I was submissive inside, I knew it and fantasized about it, but outwardly I was trying to climb the ladder of success, I wanted the most for me, wanted to be the best, have the most, be successful and be able to boast to my friends that I was "winning" the battle of life. Back then there is no way I could have accepted being under the control of my girl, no matter how badly I secretly wanted it, there is no way I would have let that happen. Then something happened to me...maturity.

Maturity for me happened when I was dumped by my first wife. Yes dumped utterly and completely. She even made comments that she hoped I would not find happiness because she wanted me to be miserable. Was I guilty of treating her really terribly? No and she admits that, she just knew that I was a person that couldn't read hints well. So when things weren't good I thought they were fine and this made her angry...Not angry enough to actually discuss what was wrong...no that was supposed to be something I just knew and because I didn't she didn't want to go on. Well as I have matured I now realize what I am. She was right I really don't see things all the time, but now I realize I don't, and I was selfish, even if it was in the best interest of the family from my point of view, but that was only from my point of view.

Maturity has allowed me to see things from the other side, how another understands and sees things. And it has changed me, changed me enough to allow me to be confident with who I am and confident of what I have done in life.

I remember when I got married the first time around and buying our first house, it was a competition to see who got their name on the phone bill, electric, and god forbid my name would have been on the bottom of the checking account. Now I have the confidence to not only not care but also to admit to myself that Mistress should be at the top. Not just behind closed doors but also when it comes to simple things like that.

For Mistress when she was young she had no confidence and in her first marriage it was less than a good relationship to allow her to gain confidence.

When we met Mistress had come along way in her life, got her degree, a good job and was very self sufficient but she still lacked confidence. When she met me she says through the way I treated her that it instilled confidence in her. That allowed for the base for our current relationship.

So without our personal journey's through the early days of our life what we have now would never be possible. I would never have the confidence in myself to obey her and she would have never had the confidence to lead. She would have always worried that what she was doing was wrong or that I wouldn't like it. She still from time to time worries I won't like something but she has the confidence in herself to do what she thinks is right and the confidence in the strength of our relationship to realize that as the leader sometimes your decision won't be what the other wants but is the best for the couple. She also has the confidence in me to know that I will abide by her decision, not second guess her and adopt her decision as our family decision not to later say, "See, I would have done it this way."

Never a chance what we have now would have been possible if we would have met in our 20s'

We needed proper baking at a certain temperature for years and years to get us both ready for what we have now.

For us everything that led up to where we are now was molded because of our past. We just got lucky that we met when we did to allow us to have what we have now.

One last point about this whole topic is that if one is smart, and I am not talking about rocket science IQ score, I am referring to smart in terms of learning from life, accepting and admitting your mistakes and actually using your mistakes as a way to learn to make you a better person. Well if you are smart like I described then when you are making your list of qualities you are looking for in your second marriage you are going to "usually" do a much better job than when you made that list the first time around.

I suppose this is why most CEO's aren't 22, they need to learn from failures, successes and apply them to what direction they lead to, for themselves and the company they run. If the workers of a company don't trust the leadership of the CEO things don't usually run well.

In our house Mistress is the CEO, she has that experience and her worker trusts that leadership without question. She is smart enough to use her assets, get opinions from her worker but in the end our family flies by the rules set forth by our CEO.

I know there are a lot of people that read that don't have partners and are still looking for the perfect one. Never stop looking, that person is out there but when you find them be prepared, be ready, learn from your past, become a better partner so you don't miss out on them. Someday that person is walking into your life and you will never know what day that is, it could be tomorrow, a year from now or you could be sitting 20 feet away from them everyday in a cubicle. But do NOT wait until that day to become better, be ready and waiting and when they show up your chances of a successful relationship are already going to be much improved over the statistics.