Mistress and I have been together for 4 1/2 years now. The best time of my life without a doubt.
3 1/2 years ago we embarked on our FLR, although and I dare to say even that first year was spent with her being in control to some degree.
When we began this journey I think we both wondered if it could last. The fantasy part of it was new and awesome, I was experiencing things that I only dreamed about. But I couldn't help wonder, what would happen after a few years, would the excitement wear off? Would it be a flash in the pan?
If you are new to this type of lifestyle or if you haven't experienced it yet let me reassure you, if you work on it and allow it to evolve it just gets better. I will admit those moments in the early days where I would just think about our new relationship and I my stomach would tingle with butterflies that doesn't happen as often but all it takes is one sentence from her and those butterflies are back, still to this day.
The key is to let it evolve. When you begin this journey we all have a visual, one that probably has been going through our mind for years, of what we hope it will be like. When it happens it's the best feeling in the world. I remember like it was yesterday the first time Mistress sat on the couch and had me kneel before her. It was in the first few weeks after we started our FLR, and we started very slowly, she asked me if something she wanted to wear was clean. She already knew the answer but wanted to hear what I had to say. When my answer was an excuse about why her clothing item wasn't ready for her to wear she said this line. "My laundry being done is a priority over you watching TV, I suggest you get to work."
There wasn't punishment following it but it was the first time in my life I was being lectured about not doing something that normally wouldn't be considered my responsibility. I got up to go to the laundry room and that also was the first time, certainly not the last, that she confiscated my phone and said, "While you are working for me you leave your phone here. I don't want you doing personal things while you are on my time." The hard on I had was incredible with just two sentences.
3 1/2 years later those words will still get me hard and excited but they happen less often. First of all, her laundry is done when it should so the amount of time being lectured is less often. But that isn't a negative, we evolve. She finds other ways to explore her dominance to keep me excited and I obey her without question now which was hard to do at the beginning. That has evolved for me.
The bottom line is you need to work at it, just like any relationship to continue to keep things fresh. It doesn't happen automatically but after this length of time I am convinced that if you choose to work at it, you can keep it fresh forever, keep it exciting forever and never worry that in time you will lose your FLR. I am sure that most people who cherish this lifestyle will worry from time to time about losing that excitement. Don't! Actively work on it and it will be yours forever.
A couple of things I didn't consider when we started this relationship will pretty much guarantee its longevity. First I didn't realize that in time Mistress would get used to this type of treatment and used to being in control. She has said on many occasions that "There is no going back now."
Also I didn't realize that in addition to the fantasy excitement of being dominated by her that I would also feel so comfortable with her in control. With those two factors we are in this till the end. So since it isn't going to change then as a couple we work at it to make it the best we can.
Not only is it possible to have an FLR forever with us its probably not possible NOT to have one.
This is a very encouraging post! (And it also gave me a hardon.) Thanks for the good word. I'm sure it helps a lot of us.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post my friend
ReplyDelete"There is no going back now." Such a feeling, isn't it? We paid off two homes, raised four kids with the last one almost out and did it all the 'conventional' way, playing out out traditional roles ending up at the oh so common, my life/her life, living arrangement She knew me pretty well by then. But now it is all so different! We just spent a busy weekend together doing all the little wlm things together with just that different attitude in her eyes when she looks at me. Its not mean or anything because she is not that way and we still are fairly conventional, its just she now knows how I feel, how it works. It is comfortable now.She is beginning to get what she wants out of things as well (I think, or so she says).
ReplyDeleteWould't things be better for so many people if they only learned to be honest about things like this as you two have and really enjoy who you are as a couple? We are going past half a year now, so it is new for us, but because of all our previous time together and the pleasure and consistancy of this new period in our lives, "There is no going back now.", and we wouldn't want to.
That was a wonderful way of putting it! My Mistress Wife and I are going on 20 months of our WLM lifestyle and it just keeps getting better all the time. We keep evolving but probably at a slower pace than either of us want because we have 2 young boys which cause real life vanilla situations to dominate our time. Such is the wonderful life we lead. We are happier know than we ever have been and she made a comment that made my heart soar. She said something to the effect of (paraphrasing) I can't believe that we have been together nearly 17 years and you still can get hard at them ere sight of me, or from just a few words from me. After that she smiled big, grabbed my balls firmly in her hand and rolled and went to sleep. Yummy.
DeleteIndeed, there is no going back now.
I had just finished reading this when my wife walked in unexpectedly. That thought of "there is no going back" was so firmly in my mind that I had to talk about it right then.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I was very clear about what I meant and the answer was not what I would have hoped for. She basically said that she was riding the tide of whatever it took to keep me happy.
Well, that is very nice, but what I have been wondering and was afraid to ask as I may not like the answer was; is she in to this wife lead marriage stuff? Does she like it and want to keep on doing it? The Good news is that she wants me to be happy even if I am an oversexed pervert. So I will be happy with what I do get, will keep on striving to serve her, and hope that she grows into the dominance that I believe is very natural for her.
And I do not want to go back.
MRBILL, I do concur with a part of what you said, but I do believe you are are viewing this from a slightly different anlge than what I was referring to. Part of all of our relationships can always go back to a previous way of getting along. Part of this is always a variable, but a part of it is not. She knows me too much better now.
DeleteWhen I had the 'discussions' with my wife, she said something somewhat similar to what your your wife said. She said she would work with me, she would help me. We would see what happened. This would always be variable, we could change how we could be in a wlm or not be in one. What could not change was the discussion. We could never go back to not knowing about this part of me again in the same way we did before. She would always know parts of me that she did not know before. Maybe a better way of saying would be using the phrase about not being able to unring a bell. I know she heard it and we will see......
MRBILL,
DeleteI think maybe to take it in stride is best. She does it for you, she does it because she loves you. Mistress started because she did it for me. Over time she learned to enjoy it for herself, although there are certain parts she still does for me. Even though she is the boss she still cares enough to do what's best for her partner. But who know knows what the future holds.
I can tell you when we first started Mistress had no idea this lifestyle even existed. It wasn't she always thought of doing but she did want to make me happy so when we began it was with the sole purpose of her making me happy. Over time things change to now we won't go back because her enjoyment of it.
As far as being afraid to ask if she is into it, maybe that question is best left alone for now. Time fixes many things, possibly this as well.
j,
DeleteI hear you there, along with knowing things about me that can not be unsaid, there are some things we have done that can not be forgotten. Sometimes I feel like it's a slippery slope, the apparent loss of control is scary, but soo exciting.
I like your phrase about unringing the bell, can't be undone once it's out there.
It takes a long time before a vanilla person will admit to *enjoying* being in any kind of dominant role. Partly, it's because it pushes all sorts of buttons to do with being a good and nice person. However, mostly it's because people expect being dominant and/or sadistic to feel like new and different emotions, which they don't!
DeleteProbably, if you are giving her things she genuinely likes, then over time, she will start to like things that way.
I think just about every blog you read with a successful female led relationship involves the advice "take your time."
DeleteUs subs who have dreamed of this for years or decades already know what we want, imagine being inundated with information that you either didn't know about your partner or about a lifestyle. It's easy to see why unless you are dominant and experienced in this type of life it might be tough to jump in quick and with guns ablazing.
I try to keep things fresh for David and I. Revamping rituals or adding rules here and there helps us to keep some routine along with some fun and feel like we are always evolving.
ReplyDeleteMistress Marie,
DeleteMy Mistress does the same, maybe not just because she is consciously changing things but more because she is just a person that doesn't like to get in ruts or stand pat. Regardless of what it is she will evolve, change and freshen things.