Enough Beeeattch.

Today I would like to discuss the use of a bad 4 letter word.....SNOW.

This is completely ridiculous. Sometimes when people visit our town I take them to the water and show them them that right across the river is Canada. They think its pretty cool to be able to go to another country for dinner or to the casino. They will ask if you need a passport to go over there. I answer yes, nowadays you do...Well guess what doesn't need a passport to come over...The freakin Canadian Arctic air mass that brings us sub zero temperatures and snow, more snow and after that how about some F'in snow.

Did I mention the word ridiculous yet, I am not lying when I say there is at least 30" of snow covering my lawn. I have to shovel the backyard just so our Dachsund can pee without having to tunnel his way to his favorite spot.

Its so cold here I am afraid Mistress' balls will freeze off, if they weren't attached to me I might not be that concerned, but again did I mention ridiculous????

One of the guys who reads this blog is sub hub in phx. With my extreme intelligence (I was voted one of the smartest 3 people in our house, although its only Mistress, myself, 3 dogs and a cat that live there.) Either way I am going to use my intelligence to say that phx stands for Phoenix, as in Arizona. Well dude would it kill you to push some of that warm weather our way, maybe for at least for a week so some of this shit melts???

The snow is so high that my plow on my tractor only pushes it to the side and then falls back down only to be finally cleared by some idiot and a shovel... That idiot is me by the way. I know big shocker there.

Anyways, so who is to blame. Well I figured it out, its mother nature and after thinking about it I sent that bitch a letter, here is a copy of it.

Dear Mother Nature,

Serious, WTF is that all about, take your snow and go dump it on someplace that needs it....A place called "Not Here". We have received at least triple the snow as last year and you know what, your joke isn't that funny anymore. So here is what we are going to do. You are going to turn the heat up to 80 for a few days to melt everything, then you are going to let off on the snow making machine and point it towards some ski slopes like you should be doing in the first place. Now if you think, that this submissive guy can't tell you what to do, well that's prerogative but here's the deal, I will, and please don't force me to do this, but I will take Mistress' riding crop and find your ass and beat that thing until you are a crying mess. Now I know you are probably thinking, "You don't know where I live." Well wrong answer. I downloaded that old Christmas tv show. You know the one with Heat Mizer and Cold Mizer, (your kids) and in the movie they got summoned to your house, so guess what I did a google search and found it, so I do know where your smug ass lives.

Sincerely
SOS

That was a couple of weeks ago.

Well I was hoping it would do the trick until 3 days ago and this came in the mail.

Dear Submissive Turd,

Bring it, don't sing it.

Oh and call me Mistress or you will get 10" of snow dumped on your ass on the 4th of July this year.

Signed
Mistress Nature

The next day we got about 9 more inches of snow.

Well I was tempted to send her another note telling her to take a "Flying F*&K on a rolling donut" but I held back, calmer side of me took over, I contemplated and sent this back to her.

Dear Mistress Nature,

I want to humbly apologize for my words in the earlier letter, I completely......Oh shit I can't do this.

Listen you vengeful beeatch, you can't dump 10" of snow on us in July, it's against the laws of nature. So again turn the heat up and snow off and I won't be forced to come to your little white picket fenced house and open up a can of whoop ass on you. By the way I noticed in the TV show your house had pleasant whether in the middle of winter. Your poor kid cold mizer was beginning to melt.

So heed this warning, something is going to warm up this week, either the weather or you soon to be red ass.

Cordially
SOS

Well I am sure that will do the trick, I am off to the store to buy some sun tan lotion, the bottle I have at home is completely frozen.