A month has passed since the last blog and things have changed here, mostly for the good, I might add. Mistress' stress level has lowered in the last few weeks and some certain things that were weighing heavily on us have changed for the better also.
With that comes the reemergence of her dominance, I won't say it's at the highest level it's ever been but nonetheless as stress leaves the things that make us who we are come back.
Last time I wrote I mentioned how it was important for me to take care of things around the house without her having to supervise or manage it I have continued that and it is made for a relaxing situation for her. This past week nothing is changed in my endeavors to continue to make things easier at home, however this past week I also found that she has been becoming a little more dominant about the things.
Earlier in the week we attended an event that we go to every week, in my usual way I had a smart ass comment for something she said, it wasn't anything terrible or demeaning or insulting, just a little fun. She leaned over and whispered into my ear, and asked, if I would enjoy her leaning me over the chair and showing everybody here what happens when I become a bit too smart mouthed. She was of course kidding, in a way, and she was smiling about it but yet there was something in her eyes that told me that if pushed too far she might just do exactly that. At this point I thought it was best to admit that I would not like to be leaned over a chair and have my ass beat in front of a bunch of people, whether she would've are not remains to be seen but her mood told me, don't take a chance. When I told her that it wasn't necessary to pull that type of authority in front of everyone she then asked If I was the person in the relationship who decided what was necessary and what wasn't. She then asked again if I would like to be leaned over the chair and show everyone here who was boss. At this point I just said, "sorry mistress it won't happen again."
A day later she pulled me into the bathroom and pointed out a few things that she would like improved upon next time I clean. Knowing our conversation from the day before I realized she was beginning to feel more dominant and my answer to her was simply, "yes mistress."
While these might be small things in the scope of life it just shows that when things aren't going well or are stressful, to learn to support her a bit differently than you might at other times.
While part of me kind of does wish that she would punish me at times, the smart part of me knows that she doesn't really enjoy that and that her threat of punishment is either to be for fun like when we are at the public event or meant to send an alert to me that she is serious. The bathroom incident was serious, she wants things done better and if she doesn't get them her way then I will pay for that. I will improve because I want to be the best servant I can and also I want to avoid the punishment, and not because I don't want the punishment but because I know she doesn't want to have to resort to that.
That's the important part here, as I change how I see things, is that I realize how happy I am when I get to obey her and when I get to do things that make a truly happy.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Importance of understanding
For those of your who are dealing with stress and changes in life. I feel for you.
We have been dealing with stress lately, Mistress S has a stressful situation with her new job, nothing really she can't handle but handling it and not being stressed about it are two different things.
For me its sometimes difficult to be the submissive guy when you realize your partner needs something different, sometimes.
That balancing act that us submissive's deal with, when do we act submissive, when to act strong and be her rock. The line sometimes will blur depending on how those submissive juices are flowing.
That is what I want to discuss today. Obviously it goes without saying that in a relationship that would be termed as FLR, WLM or however you want to term it there comes a time, as the guy, you are unsure if you should be obedient and supportive or supportive and take a lead in helping things. Maybe for some guys there is no choice and it's only one way or the other in their relationship. However I will guess there are many of us that live at times on the border of how to act to best support your girl.
What I did was to try think from her perspective and try to anticipate what might help her the most. She is first, her wants and ways are first but that doesn't always mean be the obedient servant, sometimes that means to let her know that if she needs a break from things she might normally do, that you are willing to jump in and lend a hand.
At times it might mean to suppress your submissive desires, don't worry they will never just pack up and leave forever. Now that doesn't mean I need to not obey her, quite the opposite, when she wants something it needs to be understood that whatever she wishes I am ready to do but you can be at the ready to obey and take the bull by the horns as well. You just need to have a couple things going your way. First you need to pay attention to her wants and needs more than ever. Don't assume, see what each day brings and adapt. Second you need to be happy with supporting her in ways that maybe aren't what you would wish in your submissive world your brain likes to live in. The old saying 'there is a time and place for everything' rings true here.
In the end it kind of works itself out, by taking on things that she may normally be happy to do and taking pressure off her you might be making her happy and serving her in a way you wouldn't normally, this in turn will give you a sense of helping, a sense of pride and give your submissive brain a little tweak in how to further serve her.
In the end to serve her doesn't always mean to literally serve her, sometimes it means to fill what she needs regardless of what that is.
Love is one of the most powerful things in the world. Use it to wash out some negative things your girl might be experiencing. You won't make things perfect but if you can just make it better AND more importantly not add to her stress with your wishes and demands you have done a great service to her. LOVE can conquer, maybe not everything but it sure can help.
We have been dealing with stress lately, Mistress S has a stressful situation with her new job, nothing really she can't handle but handling it and not being stressed about it are two different things.
For me its sometimes difficult to be the submissive guy when you realize your partner needs something different, sometimes.
That balancing act that us submissive's deal with, when do we act submissive, when to act strong and be her rock. The line sometimes will blur depending on how those submissive juices are flowing.
That is what I want to discuss today. Obviously it goes without saying that in a relationship that would be termed as FLR, WLM or however you want to term it there comes a time, as the guy, you are unsure if you should be obedient and supportive or supportive and take a lead in helping things. Maybe for some guys there is no choice and it's only one way or the other in their relationship. However I will guess there are many of us that live at times on the border of how to act to best support your girl.
What I did was to try think from her perspective and try to anticipate what might help her the most. She is first, her wants and ways are first but that doesn't always mean be the obedient servant, sometimes that means to let her know that if she needs a break from things she might normally do, that you are willing to jump in and lend a hand.
At times it might mean to suppress your submissive desires, don't worry they will never just pack up and leave forever. Now that doesn't mean I need to not obey her, quite the opposite, when she wants something it needs to be understood that whatever she wishes I am ready to do but you can be at the ready to obey and take the bull by the horns as well. You just need to have a couple things going your way. First you need to pay attention to her wants and needs more than ever. Don't assume, see what each day brings and adapt. Second you need to be happy with supporting her in ways that maybe aren't what you would wish in your submissive world your brain likes to live in. The old saying 'there is a time and place for everything' rings true here.
In the end it kind of works itself out, by taking on things that she may normally be happy to do and taking pressure off her you might be making her happy and serving her in a way you wouldn't normally, this in turn will give you a sense of helping, a sense of pride and give your submissive brain a little tweak in how to further serve her.
In the end to serve her doesn't always mean to literally serve her, sometimes it means to fill what she needs regardless of what that is.
Love is one of the most powerful things in the world. Use it to wash out some negative things your girl might be experiencing. You won't make things perfect but if you can just make it better AND more importantly not add to her stress with your wishes and demands you have done a great service to her. LOVE can conquer, maybe not everything but it sure can help.
Friday, January 22, 2016
Holiday end, reality begins.
The end of the Holidays meant the end of our visitors. What a great holiday season we had. One of the best. It's the first one living far away and might make you believe that it would be worse but truth is when the kids visit and it involves getting on a plane it makes for much more time together than when they are a half hour drive away. Instead of a couple 2 hours visits over the holidays it was a period of true quality time, doing things each day or just "hanging out" together and enjoying each others company.
Well that is over now and its back to reality and for us reality is good.
Finally settled in and now that the guests are gone the re emergence of our full blown FLR is back.
I was gone for a couple days and Mistress decided to let me know while I was gone that she was in the process of making a list of things she wanted done when I got home. She then threw in a warning. I know you are wishing to watch the football playoffs on Sunday, if the list isn't done and if its not to my satisfaction then I will be watching while you finish your list.
Truth is that Mistress has been away for a while. That Mistress was on kind of a sabbatical caused by stress. Of course I was instantly excited and a bit shocked at the same time. If you know my Mistress though you would know that she isn't joking about this.
When I came home I was in for another surprise. She told me she had been busy and hasn't finished the list yet. Of course this does not mean that I am off the hook to complete this list, just the opposite, I will just have less time to accomplish her tasks. She is going to be late tonight so I was hoping to spend time this evening getting as much done as I can.
Now I am going to do what I know needs done and hopefully when I get her list, some or most of the things will already be taken care of but it just reminds me that she is in charge, she is under no deadline to make her list, but I am still under my deadline to complete it. Somehow I picture myself working right up until the games start on Sunday afternoon hoping to be able to watch.
Well here is the part that the average vanilla guy would never understand. For me, the submissive, this is exactly what I want, I want to know that my Mistress has the freedom to decide what needs to be done and when, she also has the freedom to determine if its done according to her expectations and has the freedom to decide what happens if it isn't. For a submissive like me that is the most freeing feeling in the world. I want to be at this place, I want to feel her power and be the tool to make her life easier.
Do I want to watch the football games, hell yeah I do, but I want to earn that as well. You could probably try to convince someone who is not submissive for 10 hours straight and they wouldn't understand. And that's ok, that's why its probably not useful to advertise how we live our lives.
If I have all the work done on the list and it's game time will I be nervous asking her if the work was done well enough to watch the games? Yes, I will, I will be nervous knowing that she might say, "Sorry the bathrooms weren't done properly, why don't you go clean them again and see if you get it right this time." Will I be upset if I miss part or all of the game redoing things because she wasn't satisfied? I don't know if upset is the correct word, I will be disappointed in myself but I will also go about doing what she says knowing that I am in my place, that place that allows me to kneel at her feet and obey her decisions. It's where I want to be.
Well that is over now and its back to reality and for us reality is good.
Finally settled in and now that the guests are gone the re emergence of our full blown FLR is back.
I was gone for a couple days and Mistress decided to let me know while I was gone that she was in the process of making a list of things she wanted done when I got home. She then threw in a warning. I know you are wishing to watch the football playoffs on Sunday, if the list isn't done and if its not to my satisfaction then I will be watching while you finish your list.
Truth is that Mistress has been away for a while. That Mistress was on kind of a sabbatical caused by stress. Of course I was instantly excited and a bit shocked at the same time. If you know my Mistress though you would know that she isn't joking about this.
When I came home I was in for another surprise. She told me she had been busy and hasn't finished the list yet. Of course this does not mean that I am off the hook to complete this list, just the opposite, I will just have less time to accomplish her tasks. She is going to be late tonight so I was hoping to spend time this evening getting as much done as I can.
Now I am going to do what I know needs done and hopefully when I get her list, some or most of the things will already be taken care of but it just reminds me that she is in charge, she is under no deadline to make her list, but I am still under my deadline to complete it. Somehow I picture myself working right up until the games start on Sunday afternoon hoping to be able to watch.
Well here is the part that the average vanilla guy would never understand. For me, the submissive, this is exactly what I want, I want to know that my Mistress has the freedom to decide what needs to be done and when, she also has the freedom to determine if its done according to her expectations and has the freedom to decide what happens if it isn't. For a submissive like me that is the most freeing feeling in the world. I want to be at this place, I want to feel her power and be the tool to make her life easier.
Do I want to watch the football games, hell yeah I do, but I want to earn that as well. You could probably try to convince someone who is not submissive for 10 hours straight and they wouldn't understand. And that's ok, that's why its probably not useful to advertise how we live our lives.
If I have all the work done on the list and it's game time will I be nervous asking her if the work was done well enough to watch the games? Yes, I will, I will be nervous knowing that she might say, "Sorry the bathrooms weren't done properly, why don't you go clean them again and see if you get it right this time." Will I be upset if I miss part or all of the game redoing things because she wasn't satisfied? I don't know if upset is the correct word, I will be disappointed in myself but I will also go about doing what she says knowing that I am in my place, that place that allows me to kneel at her feet and obey her decisions. It's where I want to be.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Holiday season, a time for fun, love and giving
So how does the holiday season tie in with living a female led relationship??
Well the simple answer is just like everyone else. Although if you are like us and have an empty nest living an FLR can be quite easy to do. When family and friends arrive though maybe some of the things that you might normally do have to be shelved from the view of others.
Obviously it shows that living an FLR isn't the most accepted way of living to the main stream world. While I know why this is the case I wish it wasn't. We have all girls for our children and I would love them to grow into having an FLR, I think its better for their self esteem, it improves their confidence and I do believe it makes their lives better and even safer. Although as we travel down this road one thing has become very apparent, just as every guy is not a good fit for an FLR neither is every girl. I can see in my own kids the ones who could live this way and which ones can't or wouldn't enjoy it.
I bring this up because as much as you would think it would be good to be honest and to explain the type of relationship we have to the kids there are many reasons not to. And certainly explaining it to the ones who could benefit from it and not the others isn't an option either.
So that leaves us hiding it, Not completely though, the girls know who is in charge, they even have joked about it from time to time, but to what degree isn't shown or known.
So that brings me back to the holiday season, there is that part of life that is changed when the guests arrive, The not living life as usual aspect. But maybe in some ways its the same for everyone.
In a vanilla relationship, especially one where things aren't going great when guest come there is an act put on, maybe the guy is extra attentive while the guests are around where he isn't normally, maybe there is less "me" time and more together time when guests are around to show a goof face. I would assume that there are less times where the guy, or the girl, will go out with the friends after work to have a few if there are guests at home. So while us in a FLR have to change things, it appears after some thought that so do the vanilla people of the world when guests come.
Whatever the case the time is almost here for the guests to arrive and with them coming 2,000 miles there will be a lot more time together as a family rather than the times where they visit for a few hours, or come home and see friends while back in the neighborhood. I for one am looking extremely forward to the holidays this year and the time together as a family...and I will be looking forward to the return of our empty nest when its over.
I guess that makes the best of both world for us.
Have a great holidays everyone, whatever you celebrate I hope it is an awesome time of year for you and your families.
Well the simple answer is just like everyone else. Although if you are like us and have an empty nest living an FLR can be quite easy to do. When family and friends arrive though maybe some of the things that you might normally do have to be shelved from the view of others.
Obviously it shows that living an FLR isn't the most accepted way of living to the main stream world. While I know why this is the case I wish it wasn't. We have all girls for our children and I would love them to grow into having an FLR, I think its better for their self esteem, it improves their confidence and I do believe it makes their lives better and even safer. Although as we travel down this road one thing has become very apparent, just as every guy is not a good fit for an FLR neither is every girl. I can see in my own kids the ones who could live this way and which ones can't or wouldn't enjoy it.
I bring this up because as much as you would think it would be good to be honest and to explain the type of relationship we have to the kids there are many reasons not to. And certainly explaining it to the ones who could benefit from it and not the others isn't an option either.
So that leaves us hiding it, Not completely though, the girls know who is in charge, they even have joked about it from time to time, but to what degree isn't shown or known.
So that brings me back to the holiday season, there is that part of life that is changed when the guests arrive, The not living life as usual aspect. But maybe in some ways its the same for everyone.
In a vanilla relationship, especially one where things aren't going great when guest come there is an act put on, maybe the guy is extra attentive while the guests are around where he isn't normally, maybe there is less "me" time and more together time when guests are around to show a goof face. I would assume that there are less times where the guy, or the girl, will go out with the friends after work to have a few if there are guests at home. So while us in a FLR have to change things, it appears after some thought that so do the vanilla people of the world when guests come.
Whatever the case the time is almost here for the guests to arrive and with them coming 2,000 miles there will be a lot more time together as a family rather than the times where they visit for a few hours, or come home and see friends while back in the neighborhood. I for one am looking extremely forward to the holidays this year and the time together as a family...and I will be looking forward to the return of our empty nest when its over.
I guess that makes the best of both world for us.
Have a great holidays everyone, whatever you celebrate I hope it is an awesome time of year for you and your families.
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
The continuation of back to normal and the holidays
As we move on things are falling back in place, Mistress made me a list of what she expects done and gave no completion date, to me this means sooner not later.
We have guests coming for the holidays so we have to finish getting our new house ready, pictures hung, furniture set, things cleaned, things unboxed and put away and whatever else that entails.
In addition to all this we are still finding time to stay active and enjoy the many things to do here in Arizona. I have to say I love this place and we are both happy with the decision to make the move.
Are there difficulties, sure, being so far from family and friends is tough but the prospect of meeting new people and making new friendships is good too, its like that exciting new adventure. We live that exciting new adventure every day and its a great feeling.
Mistress has been working later than normal the last couple weeks so the weekend are our time to get out and enjoy things, each weekend flies by like a blur and we are loving every minute of it.
One last point to make before I end this, it takes some getting used to when you see Christmas decorations and its 75 degrees outside. Growing up Christmas always meant cold and snow. Now it means shorts and a t shirt. Its great but yet takes some getting used to.
Have a great holidays everyone.
We have guests coming for the holidays so we have to finish getting our new house ready, pictures hung, furniture set, things cleaned, things unboxed and put away and whatever else that entails.
In addition to all this we are still finding time to stay active and enjoy the many things to do here in Arizona. I have to say I love this place and we are both happy with the decision to make the move.
Are there difficulties, sure, being so far from family and friends is tough but the prospect of meeting new people and making new friendships is good too, its like that exciting new adventure. We live that exciting new adventure every day and its a great feeling.
Mistress has been working later than normal the last couple weeks so the weekend are our time to get out and enjoy things, each weekend flies by like a blur and we are loving every minute of it.
One last point to make before I end this, it takes some getting used to when you see Christmas decorations and its 75 degrees outside. Growing up Christmas always meant cold and snow. Now it means shorts and a t shirt. Its great but yet takes some getting used to.
Have a great holidays everyone.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Life in the Valley of the Sun
We are adjusting quite nicely to life here in the Valley of the Sun. Still looking to meet others, which is a slow process but we are busy and life is starting to round into our new routine.
I am back to cleaning and dressing while doing so. She is starting to gain her dominant ways and we are still unpacking boxes.
Last night we hung some pictures and Mistress was looking thru a box for some more when she proclaimed, "I found my riding crop."
At that point I realized I should be on my best behavior so she wasn't inclined to give it a try.
As it turned out I escaped getting laid over the bed but as things go more and more back to normal it probably won't be long. Luckily yesterday before she got home I got all the ironing and laundry done. She was pleased with that.
All this got me thinking about others. Those times where the FLR isn't exciting as it once was or things in life get in the way of how you want things to be at home. Be patient. Be the tortoise not the hare. Sometimes its not a move but a life challenge or job stress that can effect the things you want at home. Allow them to pass and then allow a little more time. Just because the stress is gone it doesn't mean the FLR will continue immediately as if nothing happened. I think sometimes the sub men get impatient at these times and need to allow the partner to regain her footing so to speak. To get back to things in her own time and way. These last few months have proven that to me. With time and patience things will once again be exciting and new. Even if its a little different.
I am back to cleaning and dressing while doing so. She is starting to gain her dominant ways and we are still unpacking boxes.
Last night we hung some pictures and Mistress was looking thru a box for some more when she proclaimed, "I found my riding crop."
At that point I realized I should be on my best behavior so she wasn't inclined to give it a try.
As it turned out I escaped getting laid over the bed but as things go more and more back to normal it probably won't be long. Luckily yesterday before she got home I got all the ironing and laundry done. She was pleased with that.
All this got me thinking about others. Those times where the FLR isn't exciting as it once was or things in life get in the way of how you want things to be at home. Be patient. Be the tortoise not the hare. Sometimes its not a move but a life challenge or job stress that can effect the things you want at home. Allow them to pass and then allow a little more time. Just because the stress is gone it doesn't mean the FLR will continue immediately as if nothing happened. I think sometimes the sub men get impatient at these times and need to allow the partner to regain her footing so to speak. To get back to things in her own time and way. These last few months have proven that to me. With time and patience things will once again be exciting and new. Even if its a little different.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Life is settling finally.
While the move has been so whirlwind that many of the things that we normally accustomed to doing in our relationship have temporarily been put to the side. Slowly things are going back to our usual (new usual) patterns.
This is good for both of us, gives us a sense of comfort and structure. The one thing I will admit is when things are so crazy, life, while not bad, doesn't feel the same.
Our normal winter routine is going to be vastly different. Obviously outdoor activities and staying active are going to be at an all time high here in the Valley. The good news is that is great for our health and happiness, the drawback will be making sure things stay where they are supposed to be, cleaning house, following her rules and whatever else that might apply to.
Up in Michigan things were different depending on the season, in the summer our FLR was a bit looser due to activities, living here will be like summer all year long, well except for the 3 months of pure hell called June, July and August where barbecuing simply means tossing your steak on the sidewalk and watching it sizzle.
In time we will get to a new routine, a different routine and maybe a bit modified but in time we will become relaxed and at ease with the new normal. That is starting to happen now. Its different but a bit the same, its new but at the same time comfortable and getting better each day.
One thing that is different is friends, we do not know anyone around here, in time that will change but for now its just the two of us. Getting dropped into a new city and finding new friends isn't the quickest process and it will take time but I guess that gives us time to settle into our new routines.
This is good for both of us, gives us a sense of comfort and structure. The one thing I will admit is when things are so crazy, life, while not bad, doesn't feel the same.
Our normal winter routine is going to be vastly different. Obviously outdoor activities and staying active are going to be at an all time high here in the Valley. The good news is that is great for our health and happiness, the drawback will be making sure things stay where they are supposed to be, cleaning house, following her rules and whatever else that might apply to.
Up in Michigan things were different depending on the season, in the summer our FLR was a bit looser due to activities, living here will be like summer all year long, well except for the 3 months of pure hell called June, July and August where barbecuing simply means tossing your steak on the sidewalk and watching it sizzle.
In time we will get to a new routine, a different routine and maybe a bit modified but in time we will become relaxed and at ease with the new normal. That is starting to happen now. Its different but a bit the same, its new but at the same time comfortable and getting better each day.
One thing that is different is friends, we do not know anyone around here, in time that will change but for now its just the two of us. Getting dropped into a new city and finding new friends isn't the quickest process and it will take time but I guess that gives us time to settle into our new routines.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Finally Relocated
Last post I was letting everyone know about a possible move.
Well it happened and its now complete. What a whirlwind the last couple of months has been but things are settling down now.
We are now in the Valley of the Sun, Phoenix Arizona and we love it here.
Things are different, weather, topography, the way people here can't drive well. Its all different but a good different.
Now its time to settle in, regain our FLR and continue our journey thru life. Don't really know anyone here yet but there is plenty of time for that.
Maybe I should change my name to sub hub from Phx. Wait that is already taken. LOL.
Well my posts will be more regular now that things are back to some sort of normal.
Looking forward to seeing what everyone has been up to lately.
Well it happened and its now complete. What a whirlwind the last couple of months has been but things are settling down now.
We are now in the Valley of the Sun, Phoenix Arizona and we love it here.
Things are different, weather, topography, the way people here can't drive well. Its all different but a good different.
Now its time to settle in, regain our FLR and continue our journey thru life. Don't really know anyone here yet but there is plenty of time for that.
Maybe I should change my name to sub hub from Phx. Wait that is already taken. LOL.
Well my posts will be more regular now that things are back to some sort of normal.
Looking forward to seeing what everyone has been up to lately.
Monday, August 24, 2015
Fast Summer
Hi Everyone, what a summer its been, vacations, weddings, work etc.
Time has flown and been so busy our FLR has suffered a bit, not a lot but just no time to keep things in proper perspective.
Now that the summer is rapidly ending there is another issue going on. Mistress and I will be taking a trip later this week. A possible relocation, about 2,000 miles from where we are now. Talk about a lifestyle change. Its a good change if it happens but just the possibility has caused us to be in even higher gear than normal.
I hate being away from the blog for such long periods but life just gets in the way at times.
If your wondering things with us are great, the possibility that lies ahead is even better and its hard not to be excited yet tempered in case it doesn't come to fruition. I know I am being vague but until it actually occurs I don't want to say too much more except describe the excitement that grows.
Hope everyone has been fine and I am going to try to catch up on reading some blogs to see how others have been. Thanks for being patient with me and look forward to filling you in more in the next couple weeks.
Time has flown and been so busy our FLR has suffered a bit, not a lot but just no time to keep things in proper perspective.
Now that the summer is rapidly ending there is another issue going on. Mistress and I will be taking a trip later this week. A possible relocation, about 2,000 miles from where we are now. Talk about a lifestyle change. Its a good change if it happens but just the possibility has caused us to be in even higher gear than normal.
I hate being away from the blog for such long periods but life just gets in the way at times.
If your wondering things with us are great, the possibility that lies ahead is even better and its hard not to be excited yet tempered in case it doesn't come to fruition. I know I am being vague but until it actually occurs I don't want to say too much more except describe the excitement that grows.
Hope everyone has been fine and I am going to try to catch up on reading some blogs to see how others have been. Thanks for being patient with me and look forward to filling you in more in the next couple weeks.
Monday, June 8, 2015
Life's trials tribulations and how it effects our lifestyle
Hi Everyone, well May was one of the busiest month's Mistress and I have had in our almost 6 years together, work is so busy that with the other things planned I really had no time to blog. June has come and things have slowed a bit, not slow but almost time to catch a breath.
This past week has found us with a pet that is in very bad shape and a really tough decision is coming soon, probably this week. A family member in the hospital and some other stressful things that just happen in life.
Add that all together and what normally looks like a well run Female led marriage doesn't really resemble that. Don't get me wrong she is still in charge but there is a much bigger focus on other things right now.
BUT that doesn't mean I get to skip out on my duties. If I have learned one thing better than anything else on this journey is when you are in this type of relationship, As the submissive I may not be in charge of the relationship but I am in charge of what I do and I need to make sure I do what needs to be done. I could see a submissive new to this lifestyle thinking that they might be able to skip on what they normally do when she isn't Mistress mode because there might no be the normal dominant personality showing thru from her side. But that is the time where its most important to realize that as the submissive now is the time to show her that you can still obey, still follow the rules without the supervision or the threat of punishment that might normally exist.
Being submissive in a marriage doesn't mean waiting for her to decide that its time to get things done. Sometimes the submissive must take charge (in a way) of the situation and make sure that things are cared for and the support role you play is fulfilled.
Times like this she needs your support more than ever. Think of it the other way around, if you are in charge and are stressed with things, would you want to have to the support structure that you are used to pulled from under you? Or would you want the knowledge that above everything else that is going on, you can always rely on that support from your sub. Of course you would want the latter. And as the submissive you need to be just that, you can obey her and be her rock all at the same time. You can make decisions and obedient to her wishes when the time occurs.
Lastly don't mope. I know how us submissive's are, we want attention, and yes being put in the corner because you didn't do the dishes when she wanted them done is attention. You hear those subs that say, "I want to serve without getting anything in return." That couldn't be further from the truth for most of us. We all have our reasons for wanting to be obedient to our significant others. Now would be a good time to practice how you can serve and enjoy the satisfaction of making a difficult time easier for both of you.
Especially knowing that sooner or later this will pass and she will reflect on this time and see if you are the submissive she can count on or if this is some game that when the going gets tough we shelve our submissive nature in the closet until another time.
This past week has found us with a pet that is in very bad shape and a really tough decision is coming soon, probably this week. A family member in the hospital and some other stressful things that just happen in life.
Add that all together and what normally looks like a well run Female led marriage doesn't really resemble that. Don't get me wrong she is still in charge but there is a much bigger focus on other things right now.
BUT that doesn't mean I get to skip out on my duties. If I have learned one thing better than anything else on this journey is when you are in this type of relationship, As the submissive I may not be in charge of the relationship but I am in charge of what I do and I need to make sure I do what needs to be done. I could see a submissive new to this lifestyle thinking that they might be able to skip on what they normally do when she isn't Mistress mode because there might no be the normal dominant personality showing thru from her side. But that is the time where its most important to realize that as the submissive now is the time to show her that you can still obey, still follow the rules without the supervision or the threat of punishment that might normally exist.
Being submissive in a marriage doesn't mean waiting for her to decide that its time to get things done. Sometimes the submissive must take charge (in a way) of the situation and make sure that things are cared for and the support role you play is fulfilled.
Times like this she needs your support more than ever. Think of it the other way around, if you are in charge and are stressed with things, would you want to have to the support structure that you are used to pulled from under you? Or would you want the knowledge that above everything else that is going on, you can always rely on that support from your sub. Of course you would want the latter. And as the submissive you need to be just that, you can obey her and be her rock all at the same time. You can make decisions and obedient to her wishes when the time occurs.
Lastly don't mope. I know how us submissive's are, we want attention, and yes being put in the corner because you didn't do the dishes when she wanted them done is attention. You hear those subs that say, "I want to serve without getting anything in return." That couldn't be further from the truth for most of us. We all have our reasons for wanting to be obedient to our significant others. Now would be a good time to practice how you can serve and enjoy the satisfaction of making a difficult time easier for both of you.
Especially knowing that sooner or later this will pass and she will reflect on this time and see if you are the submissive she can count on or if this is some game that when the going gets tough we shelve our submissive nature in the closet until another time.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Spring, life and taking time to write
So far the spring has been nice, weather is suspect here in Michigan but that is starting to change.
Work has been super busy limiting my chance to blog but this sunny Friday I had to take a break during my afternoon and write a bit.
The last few weeks have been a blur, we are always in FLR mode but until the last couple of days I have been doing what I need to, working hard and Mistress has been trying to keep up with her work demands.
Last weekend we had the opportunity to visit our friends in the lifestyle and had a great time, the time flew fast and after a great dinner we sat down and shared stories about our pasts, ideas about our FLR's, compared things and before we knew it, it was way late in the evening. Not getting home until almost 1 am the evening was a definite success. We are looking forward to the next opportunity to get together as the weather gets nicer the options for us grown exponentially to get together.
Unfortunately yesterday I received a text when I got to work.
"I had to iron my skirt this morning, I haven't worn it since over a week ago. Care to explain?"
I have learned over my life with Mistress when its a good time to explain a reason for something and when explaining a reason will just sound like an excuse. There is also a time like this when there really is no good reason and anything I offer would be an excuse so my response was.
"There is no explanation, it should have been done and it wasn't."
There was a few text lines of admonishment but nothing much else. This morning I had to go to work really early and thus didn't have a chance to check with her on what she was going to wear and make sure it was ready. Well she wanted to wear something else that was in that same pile. Now there is two days in a row where she had to iron something.
I am going to tell all of your reading this right now....That is not good!
Not sure what is going to happen but there isn't much of a chance she just glosses over this.
I tried to think of something I could do to make it up to her. But truth is, I know that won't work, the damage is done and I need to just accept what she decides and learn from it.
I know I will be up early tomorrow on my day off and making sure there is nothing left in that pile that needs to be ironed. A third offense would not be a comfortable situation.
Work has been super busy limiting my chance to blog but this sunny Friday I had to take a break during my afternoon and write a bit.
The last few weeks have been a blur, we are always in FLR mode but until the last couple of days I have been doing what I need to, working hard and Mistress has been trying to keep up with her work demands.
Last weekend we had the opportunity to visit our friends in the lifestyle and had a great time, the time flew fast and after a great dinner we sat down and shared stories about our pasts, ideas about our FLR's, compared things and before we knew it, it was way late in the evening. Not getting home until almost 1 am the evening was a definite success. We are looking forward to the next opportunity to get together as the weather gets nicer the options for us grown exponentially to get together.
Unfortunately yesterday I received a text when I got to work.
"I had to iron my skirt this morning, I haven't worn it since over a week ago. Care to explain?"
I have learned over my life with Mistress when its a good time to explain a reason for something and when explaining a reason will just sound like an excuse. There is also a time like this when there really is no good reason and anything I offer would be an excuse so my response was.
"There is no explanation, it should have been done and it wasn't."
There was a few text lines of admonishment but nothing much else. This morning I had to go to work really early and thus didn't have a chance to check with her on what she was going to wear and make sure it was ready. Well she wanted to wear something else that was in that same pile. Now there is two days in a row where she had to iron something.
I am going to tell all of your reading this right now....That is not good!
Not sure what is going to happen but there isn't much of a chance she just glosses over this.
I tried to think of something I could do to make it up to her. But truth is, I know that won't work, the damage is done and I need to just accept what she decides and learn from it.
I know I will be up early tomorrow on my day off and making sure there is nothing left in that pile that needs to be ironed. A third offense would not be a comfortable situation.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Busy day
In addition to just being stupid busy at work, we now have people coming over for Easter this weekend.
This morning Mistress informed me that she has to work late tonight. Probably won't be home until about 10pm. While I knelt at her feet and said good bye to her before heading to work I said to her that I assumed when I get home I should be spending my time cleaning the house and getting it ready for guests this weekend.
She responded that she wanted the house, "Clean, guest ready cleaned, meaning no piles of things I need to go through later, When you are done in a room, it needs to be ready for guests." I of course acknowledged her words and agreed I would do exactly that.
I saw the smile on her face. Wasn't sure if it was because she was going to be away and knew that her servant would be doing the hard work to get ready for the guests. Whether it was because she knew her words would be obeyed or some other reason. I suspect it's a little of each.
Of course I am more than happy to go home and obey her. Truth is if she didn't tell me to go home, dress as her maid and clean I would have done it anyways. Its my job and no one is taking it away from me.
I guess if you aren't submissive that probably sounds stupid. My Mistress and I have joked many times when she is off work I will say, "And don't think you are going to spend your day cleaning and ruining my fun." To which she will reply, "Don't worry, I won't ruin your fun, heck I will probably just add to your work later by making a bigger mess." We have defined roles and we wouldn't trade them for the other's roles if we had to.
I can try to imagine have a talk with friends of mine...
Me "I can't go out with you guys tomorrow, my wife says she wants the house cleaned top to bottom."
Them "So why can't she do it?"
Me "Because she doesn't clean the house, its my job she just checks the work to make sure it meets her expectations."
Them "And what if it doesn't meet her approval?"
Me "That's her decision not mine, she will either make me do it again or punish me, or both. Depends on how bad the error was."
Them "Punish you? She punishes you."
Me, "Well of course, if I don't obey her she has to uphold her authority in our household."
Ok seriously I could never have that conversation with them. What would be even more difficult to explain is that the way we are was my idea to begin with. I asked for this. I wanted this and even begged at times for this.
Of course to admit to them that I gladly do everything she says AND as a reward I get to wear a maids uniform or something out of her closet when I do this work, would just never workout for me. I would probably have to find a new set of friends. Well most of them I suppose. I guess you never know who would be accepting if they found out.
Not sure if there is an actual lesson or point to this all except maybe that what we enjoy is what we enjoy, doesn't matter if anyone likes it or not, its just "Us"
Feel free to comment but I won't be able to respond tonight. I will be busy.
This morning Mistress informed me that she has to work late tonight. Probably won't be home until about 10pm. While I knelt at her feet and said good bye to her before heading to work I said to her that I assumed when I get home I should be spending my time cleaning the house and getting it ready for guests this weekend.
She responded that she wanted the house, "Clean, guest ready cleaned, meaning no piles of things I need to go through later, When you are done in a room, it needs to be ready for guests." I of course acknowledged her words and agreed I would do exactly that.
I saw the smile on her face. Wasn't sure if it was because she was going to be away and knew that her servant would be doing the hard work to get ready for the guests. Whether it was because she knew her words would be obeyed or some other reason. I suspect it's a little of each.
Of course I am more than happy to go home and obey her. Truth is if she didn't tell me to go home, dress as her maid and clean I would have done it anyways. Its my job and no one is taking it away from me.
I guess if you aren't submissive that probably sounds stupid. My Mistress and I have joked many times when she is off work I will say, "And don't think you are going to spend your day cleaning and ruining my fun." To which she will reply, "Don't worry, I won't ruin your fun, heck I will probably just add to your work later by making a bigger mess." We have defined roles and we wouldn't trade them for the other's roles if we had to.
I can try to imagine have a talk with friends of mine...
Me "I can't go out with you guys tomorrow, my wife says she wants the house cleaned top to bottom."
Them "So why can't she do it?"
Me "Because she doesn't clean the house, its my job she just checks the work to make sure it meets her expectations."
Them "And what if it doesn't meet her approval?"
Me "That's her decision not mine, she will either make me do it again or punish me, or both. Depends on how bad the error was."
Them "Punish you? She punishes you."
Me, "Well of course, if I don't obey her she has to uphold her authority in our household."
Ok seriously I could never have that conversation with them. What would be even more difficult to explain is that the way we are was my idea to begin with. I asked for this. I wanted this and even begged at times for this.
Of course to admit to them that I gladly do everything she says AND as a reward I get to wear a maids uniform or something out of her closet when I do this work, would just never workout for me. I would probably have to find a new set of friends. Well most of them I suppose. I guess you never know who would be accepting if they found out.
Not sure if there is an actual lesson or point to this all except maybe that what we enjoy is what we enjoy, doesn't matter if anyone likes it or not, its just "Us"
Feel free to comment but I won't be able to respond tonight. I will be busy.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Trust and honesty.
Tough topic for me.
I spent my first marriage in a lie. I have had submissive desires since the earliest recollections of my life. But my first wife never knew. I didn't feel the trust to allow her into my world. Eventually I believe this caused our breakup, maybe not for those reasons but over time I grew away from the person I was because of always not being myself.
This past week a friend of mine let me know about a issue that had happened with him and his wife. While I won't go into what happened all I will say is it put a strain on their trust because a lack of honestly. Now don't worry, everything is fine now. But there was some healing that was needed.
This caused a flood of feelings back into me. Bad ones. Feelings of how I was in the past and what I am now.
Honesty and trust, I think they go together in some ways but maybe not completely entertwined. In my past, when I couldn't trust my ex wife, I found I couldn't be honest with her. At the same time if a person isn't honest and is found out trust will no doubt suffer.
One of these you can control, the other not so much. I suppose you can say, "I will trust him/her." But that isn't something you can really decide., Trust comes from deep inside. Honesty however is completely a decision. Sometimes a tough decision but still a decision.
With my Mistress I trust her without a second thought. That is why I was able to be honest with her about who I really am inside. I also know that she trusts me. Its up to me to keep that trust by staying honest with her.
Trust can be rebuilt but I am here to say its easier to keep the trust by staying honest than have to repair the damage and allow the trust to be returned. A person could say all they want, "You deceived me, your going to have to do A, B and C to get my trust back." But in the end the trust comes back only when the person who lost the trust is comfortable in being trustful again.
My friend has been successful in repairing trust but the amount of work put into it is much better spent on being forthcoming in the first place.
A small example would be when Mistress comes home from work, (I usually get home a little before her.) I usually do somethings around the house to tidy or clean up. When she comes home she may ask, "Did you do (fill in the blank)." Sometimes it might be a chore she asked me to do, sometimes she is just asking in general. Sometimes its not easy to say, "No I forgot" or "I didn't think to do that." Sometimes there is that urge to say, "I just got home and haven't had time." Now if that's true then that's fine but sometimes it might be a way to get out of having to admit a deficiency. That will always lead to another small white lie to be told. "Oh, you got home a little late, Something happen at work that caused you to stay later than normal?" See where this goes. Now to cover the first one you have to say a second one. With my Mistress it never works, she knows, but sometimes she just lets it go. In those times I know I have put a small hit on my trust level in her eyes. I have tried so hard to keep that trust that it is getting easier to just be straight up right from the beginning. Its way easier in the long run. More importantly small lies lead to bigger ones and I never, ever want to have that conversation where she is truly hurt by something I was dishonest about.
Its a great motivator for me and I suppose for others.
I hope no one misunderstands my point here. I am not in any way picking on my friend. Just talking with him about the situation brought a flood of things from my previous marriage back to me. Dark days in my life, days where I assumed my life would be spent as a lie to everyone.
Obviously I can't share my lifestyle with many others. Too many people are judgmental. But having a Mistress that I can share everything about who I am and having at least a select few people that I can also share who I am truly inside has changed me completely.
I would love to hear others thoughts about this and maybe things in their life that had a similar or even opposite effect on them.
I spent my first marriage in a lie. I have had submissive desires since the earliest recollections of my life. But my first wife never knew. I didn't feel the trust to allow her into my world. Eventually I believe this caused our breakup, maybe not for those reasons but over time I grew away from the person I was because of always not being myself.
This past week a friend of mine let me know about a issue that had happened with him and his wife. While I won't go into what happened all I will say is it put a strain on their trust because a lack of honestly. Now don't worry, everything is fine now. But there was some healing that was needed.
This caused a flood of feelings back into me. Bad ones. Feelings of how I was in the past and what I am now.
Honesty and trust, I think they go together in some ways but maybe not completely entertwined. In my past, when I couldn't trust my ex wife, I found I couldn't be honest with her. At the same time if a person isn't honest and is found out trust will no doubt suffer.
One of these you can control, the other not so much. I suppose you can say, "I will trust him/her." But that isn't something you can really decide., Trust comes from deep inside. Honesty however is completely a decision. Sometimes a tough decision but still a decision.
With my Mistress I trust her without a second thought. That is why I was able to be honest with her about who I really am inside. I also know that she trusts me. Its up to me to keep that trust by staying honest with her.
Trust can be rebuilt but I am here to say its easier to keep the trust by staying honest than have to repair the damage and allow the trust to be returned. A person could say all they want, "You deceived me, your going to have to do A, B and C to get my trust back." But in the end the trust comes back only when the person who lost the trust is comfortable in being trustful again.
My friend has been successful in repairing trust but the amount of work put into it is much better spent on being forthcoming in the first place.
A small example would be when Mistress comes home from work, (I usually get home a little before her.) I usually do somethings around the house to tidy or clean up. When she comes home she may ask, "Did you do (fill in the blank)." Sometimes it might be a chore she asked me to do, sometimes she is just asking in general. Sometimes its not easy to say, "No I forgot" or "I didn't think to do that." Sometimes there is that urge to say, "I just got home and haven't had time." Now if that's true then that's fine but sometimes it might be a way to get out of having to admit a deficiency. That will always lead to another small white lie to be told. "Oh, you got home a little late, Something happen at work that caused you to stay later than normal?" See where this goes. Now to cover the first one you have to say a second one. With my Mistress it never works, she knows, but sometimes she just lets it go. In those times I know I have put a small hit on my trust level in her eyes. I have tried so hard to keep that trust that it is getting easier to just be straight up right from the beginning. Its way easier in the long run. More importantly small lies lead to bigger ones and I never, ever want to have that conversation where she is truly hurt by something I was dishonest about.
Its a great motivator for me and I suppose for others.
I hope no one misunderstands my point here. I am not in any way picking on my friend. Just talking with him about the situation brought a flood of things from my previous marriage back to me. Dark days in my life, days where I assumed my life would be spent as a lie to everyone.
Obviously I can't share my lifestyle with many others. Too many people are judgmental. But having a Mistress that I can share everything about who I am and having at least a select few people that I can also share who I am truly inside has changed me completely.
I would love to hear others thoughts about this and maybe things in their life that had a similar or even opposite effect on them.
Monday, March 16, 2015
A bit of a change
This weekend my Mistress made a huge mess in the bathroom.
Normally in our FLR I do the cleaning but there are times when she makes a big mess that she will clean it up, telling me that she feels guilty if I do it.
Yesterday was one of those examples. After she made the big mess she told me after dinner she would clean it up. I told her that it wasn't necessary for her to do it. She admitted that even in charge she feels guilty having me clean up when her mess if over the top.
That sparked a discussion about it and I finally convinced her that not only did I accept cleaning the mess up but I really wanted to. How it's important for me to serve her, fully, not just when the work is minimal.
At one point in the conversation she said, "I think you will be upset if I don't allow you to clean it up, won't you?"
I admitted that in a way I would. She let me clean it up and told me, "That doesn't mean I will let you slack on doing a good job." While I cleaned everything up she took a walk and relaxed on the couch after.
Slowly she becomes more comfortable in our relationship, more than before.
One thing is for sure. She is the leader and I do obey her but she wants to know that I am obeying her because I want to not just because I have to. This weekend added a level of comfort to our lifestyle.
My guess is next time she makes a mess like that she won't think twice about assigning me that work. Which is just the way I like it.
A Female dominant marriage is a constant and slow work in progress. Not just ours but all are in some respects. We took it slow and over time it really is paying off.
Normally in our FLR I do the cleaning but there are times when she makes a big mess that she will clean it up, telling me that she feels guilty if I do it.
Yesterday was one of those examples. After she made the big mess she told me after dinner she would clean it up. I told her that it wasn't necessary for her to do it. She admitted that even in charge she feels guilty having me clean up when her mess if over the top.
That sparked a discussion about it and I finally convinced her that not only did I accept cleaning the mess up but I really wanted to. How it's important for me to serve her, fully, not just when the work is minimal.
At one point in the conversation she said, "I think you will be upset if I don't allow you to clean it up, won't you?"
I admitted that in a way I would. She let me clean it up and told me, "That doesn't mean I will let you slack on doing a good job." While I cleaned everything up she took a walk and relaxed on the couch after.
Slowly she becomes more comfortable in our relationship, more than before.
One thing is for sure. She is the leader and I do obey her but she wants to know that I am obeying her because I want to not just because I have to. This weekend added a level of comfort to our lifestyle.
My guess is next time she makes a mess like that she won't think twice about assigning me that work. Which is just the way I like it.
A Female dominant marriage is a constant and slow work in progress. Not just ours but all are in some respects. We took it slow and over time it really is paying off.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Response to last post and a new get together with friends.
Thanks for everyone who posted a response to my last posting. I was going through a tough time for a bit. As usual the worst enemy to a good solid understanding FLR is communication.
Honestly we communicate well however sometimes when something starts to bother me I delay in bringing it up. That time between the issue entering my mind and the time where I actually discuss the situation with Mistress is the "Dangerous Time" for me. Its when my mind thinks the worst, assumes the negative and I begin to doubt myself. I never seem to doubt Mistress or her love, I just worry I am going too far, wanting too much or too focused on the submissive portion of what happens instead of properly balancing that with our regular relationship.
We talked and she reassured me that my thoughts were off base. Matter of fact I think so much so that she was surprised I was thinking things like I was. I guess just further proof that I need to stop over analyzing and continue to just follow her rules and enjoy the hell out of life.
That brings me to the next portion of today's post. Last Saturday we met up with our friends that share our lifestyle. Up until Saturday we have always kept our conversations to non FLR Topics for the most part.
Now this wasn't really a plan by us consciously to talk about certain things or not talk about certain things. I think in some ways it was more of a getting to know each other process. Of course I can only speak for myself and not the other 3 in our group but it is important to me to be friends that share a similar lifestyle than be people that share a similar lifestyle that are friends. I guess friendship should be first, lifestyle second. Of course without the common friend of I'm Hers and the fact that both couples live in this manner we never would have met but since we did I think we found that finding friendship first and foremost makes the rest better.
Well Saturday night, we are in a crowded restaurant and we begin talking about D/s things and conversation is very natural. At one point the 3 of them are discussing the fact that I tend to be too vocal during punishment sessions. I think at that point I see both girls discussing it and while the funny me wants to make light of it and maybe cut a joke in on the conversation the submissive part of me says to let the girls speak and just listen. Being new to sharing our views with others that was the first time that I had that feeling come over me.
The conversation was all at normal levels and with a bunch of people all around us it didn't seem like a big deal if anyone overheard. In some ways that just us being comfortable with who we are but for a guy who has hidden his desires from the world since age 10 or so it still took some getting used to.
On the way home I asked Mistress if she felt strange talking about things like that in front of our friends. She simply responded that it felt pretty normal to her and not a big deal. That made me extremely happy. Obviously being the one who asked for this type of relationship there can always be concerns that she isn't enjoying it as much as I am.
I think my lesson from Saturday night is simple. I any of the 4 of us enjoy living this type of relationship just as much as the others but maybe we all enjoy it for slightly different reasons. I guess that is the spice of life.
Of course we are looking forward to the next get together already. Hopefully it won't be long.
Honestly we communicate well however sometimes when something starts to bother me I delay in bringing it up. That time between the issue entering my mind and the time where I actually discuss the situation with Mistress is the "Dangerous Time" for me. Its when my mind thinks the worst, assumes the negative and I begin to doubt myself. I never seem to doubt Mistress or her love, I just worry I am going too far, wanting too much or too focused on the submissive portion of what happens instead of properly balancing that with our regular relationship.
We talked and she reassured me that my thoughts were off base. Matter of fact I think so much so that she was surprised I was thinking things like I was. I guess just further proof that I need to stop over analyzing and continue to just follow her rules and enjoy the hell out of life.
That brings me to the next portion of today's post. Last Saturday we met up with our friends that share our lifestyle. Up until Saturday we have always kept our conversations to non FLR Topics for the most part.
Now this wasn't really a plan by us consciously to talk about certain things or not talk about certain things. I think in some ways it was more of a getting to know each other process. Of course I can only speak for myself and not the other 3 in our group but it is important to me to be friends that share a similar lifestyle than be people that share a similar lifestyle that are friends. I guess friendship should be first, lifestyle second. Of course without the common friend of I'm Hers and the fact that both couples live in this manner we never would have met but since we did I think we found that finding friendship first and foremost makes the rest better.
Well Saturday night, we are in a crowded restaurant and we begin talking about D/s things and conversation is very natural. At one point the 3 of them are discussing the fact that I tend to be too vocal during punishment sessions. I think at that point I see both girls discussing it and while the funny me wants to make light of it and maybe cut a joke in on the conversation the submissive part of me says to let the girls speak and just listen. Being new to sharing our views with others that was the first time that I had that feeling come over me.
The conversation was all at normal levels and with a bunch of people all around us it didn't seem like a big deal if anyone overheard. In some ways that just us being comfortable with who we are but for a guy who has hidden his desires from the world since age 10 or so it still took some getting used to.
On the way home I asked Mistress if she felt strange talking about things like that in front of our friends. She simply responded that it felt pretty normal to her and not a big deal. That made me extremely happy. Obviously being the one who asked for this type of relationship there can always be concerns that she isn't enjoying it as much as I am.
I think my lesson from Saturday night is simple. I any of the 4 of us enjoy living this type of relationship just as much as the others but maybe we all enjoy it for slightly different reasons. I guess that is the spice of life.
Of course we are looking forward to the next get together already. Hopefully it won't be long.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Submission, Guilt and doing what makes you happy.
This is a little change of pace from previous posts.
I have been hit with a bit of guilt lately.
As you may know I enjoy cross dressing from time to time, especially when cleaning or serving my mistress.
It is something I have always dreamed of, and until meeting Mistress never had the opportunity to indulge in.
While my Mistress allows me to indulge and never complains about it. In my mind I believe she would rather I didn't. I guess you could say she is pretty non committal about it.
Now nothing is wrong nor is there an issue, just some guilt building up in me. It's something I enjoy, enjoy a lot, actually but is indulging in a way being selfish? I long ago decided I did not want to be a selfish person and wanted to put the love of my life first.
I serve my Mistress I try to focus on things she enjoys, while I know that doesn't mean cutting out things I enjoy, I wonder sometimes if it should it mean I should try to stay away from things maybe she doesn't like so much. Again she hasn't said I should stay away from indulging, no, this is just an internal battle I am having with myself. I know in my heart what I enjoy but I also feel that just because she allows it and deals with it, doesn't not mean she would rather I didn't do it.
It's almost like a catch 22, even if she doesn't care for it, she will be ok with it because she knows how much I enjoy it. She will be ok with it for me.
But in a way does that make me selfish? Would it be better to resist the urge and not have to subject her to it?
The last week or so I have been resisting, I haven't really made a big deal about it, not sure she knows or realizes it. Just trying to see how it works out. Early results have been difficult but manageable.
I am positive we will be discussing this issue soon as not only can't I keep anything from her but even closed she can read me like a book.
I am not sure there is a good answer to this, not sure if there even needs to be an answer to it, as nothing is really wrong. Well except for my continual internal battle with myself to be always try to be a better person and improve each day. Of course there is a chance I am just over analyzing things.
Comments are always welcome.
I have been hit with a bit of guilt lately.
As you may know I enjoy cross dressing from time to time, especially when cleaning or serving my mistress.
It is something I have always dreamed of, and until meeting Mistress never had the opportunity to indulge in.
While my Mistress allows me to indulge and never complains about it. In my mind I believe she would rather I didn't. I guess you could say she is pretty non committal about it.
Now nothing is wrong nor is there an issue, just some guilt building up in me. It's something I enjoy, enjoy a lot, actually but is indulging in a way being selfish? I long ago decided I did not want to be a selfish person and wanted to put the love of my life first.
I serve my Mistress I try to focus on things she enjoys, while I know that doesn't mean cutting out things I enjoy, I wonder sometimes if it should it mean I should try to stay away from things maybe she doesn't like so much. Again she hasn't said I should stay away from indulging, no, this is just an internal battle I am having with myself. I know in my heart what I enjoy but I also feel that just because she allows it and deals with it, doesn't not mean she would rather I didn't do it.
It's almost like a catch 22, even if she doesn't care for it, she will be ok with it because she knows how much I enjoy it. She will be ok with it for me.
But in a way does that make me selfish? Would it be better to resist the urge and not have to subject her to it?
The last week or so I have been resisting, I haven't really made a big deal about it, not sure she knows or realizes it. Just trying to see how it works out. Early results have been difficult but manageable.
I am positive we will be discussing this issue soon as not only can't I keep anything from her but even closed she can read me like a book.
I am not sure there is a good answer to this, not sure if there even needs to be an answer to it, as nothing is really wrong. Well except for my continual internal battle with myself to be always try to be a better person and improve each day. Of course there is a chance I am just over analyzing things.
Comments are always welcome.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Self discovery
Ok, so I don't post for a month then 3 times in a week. Typical for me.
I have been on another journey of self discovery lately. Thinking about my past and how I got to where I am now.
I tend to do this once in a while and I believe it keeps me grounded and helps me appreciate what I have in life.
Lately I have been thinking about the beginnings of my submissiveness and that time period where I fantasized about what I wanted and did absolutely nothing about it. That period of time was about 30 years long and truth be told I do believe if I would have done something about it, told me ex wife, or told someone else I think I would have regretted it.
I know for a fact that going thru my divorce it would have been used as a big club to hit me over the head with. That's just how she is and inside, even though I loved her, I knew it she would one day use it against me. I never could trust her to the level that I could open my true self up to her. In a way that is just sad. To be married for almost 20 years and not feel you can truly trust someone. At the time I didn't feel that way, no, there was just a feeling of uncertainty about saying what I thought about inside my head, an instinct that told me, "Don't tell her." Was I dishonest...Yes, but in the end I had to protect myself.
Not sure how this translates to everyone else and their experiences but as much as I always say to be honest and tell the truth to your partner. I also think you need to be honest with yourself. Looking back on it, keeping the secret might have been one of the best decisions I made in my first marriage. I see her now for who she truly is and although I was blinded by love for two decades I somehow knew.
Maybe it wasn't evident until I met someone I could truly trust. Someone who opened my eyes to what life can be.
I thank god then when I met that person who could change my life I was ready to accept her, and to be able to be ready to be with her.
For those of you struggling with this same predicament all I can say is if you truly trust your spouse then speak with her about your feelings, about what's going on inside. Life is so much better when you can be 100% honest with the person you are with. However if you are unsure then think long and hard.
Look I admit even if she would have blabbed to the world that I was a submissive, enjoyed cross dressing and things of that nature, I would have survived. But there would have been undo pain caused on me and my kids. I am afraid my secret is reserved for people that I can trust fully and completely.
In time my secret may get out and I will deal with it at that time. But defending it form a person bent on destructing you because of their nature vs. explaining it to people who care for you are way different scenarios.
Last point about this, I didn't leave her and never would have, I was accepting of my situation and although I wasn't happy I made the best of it. I look back now and realize that staying with her, while maybe the right thing to do because of my commitment to marriage would have caused me to miss my chance at a truly happy life. Thank god she wanted out.
I have been on another journey of self discovery lately. Thinking about my past and how I got to where I am now.
I tend to do this once in a while and I believe it keeps me grounded and helps me appreciate what I have in life.
Lately I have been thinking about the beginnings of my submissiveness and that time period where I fantasized about what I wanted and did absolutely nothing about it. That period of time was about 30 years long and truth be told I do believe if I would have done something about it, told me ex wife, or told someone else I think I would have regretted it.
I know for a fact that going thru my divorce it would have been used as a big club to hit me over the head with. That's just how she is and inside, even though I loved her, I knew it she would one day use it against me. I never could trust her to the level that I could open my true self up to her. In a way that is just sad. To be married for almost 20 years and not feel you can truly trust someone. At the time I didn't feel that way, no, there was just a feeling of uncertainty about saying what I thought about inside my head, an instinct that told me, "Don't tell her." Was I dishonest...Yes, but in the end I had to protect myself.
Not sure how this translates to everyone else and their experiences but as much as I always say to be honest and tell the truth to your partner. I also think you need to be honest with yourself. Looking back on it, keeping the secret might have been one of the best decisions I made in my first marriage. I see her now for who she truly is and although I was blinded by love for two decades I somehow knew.
Maybe it wasn't evident until I met someone I could truly trust. Someone who opened my eyes to what life can be.
I thank god then when I met that person who could change my life I was ready to accept her, and to be able to be ready to be with her.
For those of you struggling with this same predicament all I can say is if you truly trust your spouse then speak with her about your feelings, about what's going on inside. Life is so much better when you can be 100% honest with the person you are with. However if you are unsure then think long and hard.
Look I admit even if she would have blabbed to the world that I was a submissive, enjoyed cross dressing and things of that nature, I would have survived. But there would have been undo pain caused on me and my kids. I am afraid my secret is reserved for people that I can trust fully and completely.
In time my secret may get out and I will deal with it at that time. But defending it form a person bent on destructing you because of their nature vs. explaining it to people who care for you are way different scenarios.
Last point about this, I didn't leave her and never would have, I was accepting of my situation and although I wasn't happy I made the best of it. I look back now and realize that staying with her, while maybe the right thing to do because of my commitment to marriage would have caused me to miss my chance at a truly happy life. Thank god she wanted out.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
A weekend to remember
Now that the holidays have passed, the kids are back to school and family tragedies are in the mirror, (well for now at least, I realize those are always going to be a part of life) the FLM is now gaining momentum.
We have a weekend away planned and as such this past weekend was a good time to catch up on some chores. Mistress had some work to do for her job so she had no issue in keeping me busy.
Saturday she left me with some tasks to accomplish and headed out to do some running around, shopping, gym, etc. When I finally finished my tasks for the day I texted her and let her know I was done. She texted back, "When you cleaned the bathrooms did you mop the floors or just sweep?"
I responded, "Just swept." Knowing what was probably coming next.
She answered, "Scrub them on your hands and knees and use bleach, that way you can be sure you got everything nice and clean."
She then took the opportunity to let me know that I would have some extra time to get the floors done as she was relaxing at that tanner. While I scrubbed away at the floor, and yes wearing a dress of hers. I contemplated how much I really enjoyed my life with her. Yes usually she isn't quite as dominant as that but when she gets in her moods, watch out. Well now is one of those moods. I have to admit she fills every fantasy that filled me since adolescence when she is in those moods. While when she isn't in that mode we still live and FLM albeit much more even keel. Yes I obey, yes she is in charge but she doesn't always ask as much. The point is I think she provides us a great balance in our lives.
When you are best friends, lovers and also Mistress and sub life can vary. There needs to be time for all phases of your lives. As best friends we need to have times where we do what we love together, we love to golf. At Golf I drive the cart and we joke around, I pick on her, she picks on me, we just have a good time, BUT I am still subservient to her at some level, it just doesn't show as much. I still make sure I get doors for her, she may tell me she wants a drink but all in all we just enjoy each others time. We need time like that. When we are lovers we might enjoy a nice dinner together, watch a movie or whatever else comes up, we do so as lovers but in that situation she still is in charge also, just not as noticeable again. Then of course there is last weekend. Her shopping and texting me extra chores to do without a feeling of guilt or worry that she is over stepping her bounds. We need a balance between all of those times.
I guess my point here is that if you are starting a female led relationship or are in one. Balance is important. You still may have that base part, that foundation that no matter where you are, she is in charge but that is your foundation, upon that there needs to be variety, the spice of life, to allow it all to be more enjoyable.
We love to compete with each other, games, pool, golf, whatever. If I were to let her win because she is the Mistress she would be pissed off, she wants to win but she wants my best. At those times there is nothing submissive about my behavior but even in the heat of batter, a simple, "Get me a drink." Trumps all that.
Sorry to go on but I want to emphasize how important that every second of an FLM or FLR should not be spent on your knees or scrubbing floors, there will be plenty enough time for that to keep your fantasies alive but there also needs to be that balance to allow you both to love each other, enjoy each others company and to continue to explore new things that keep love burning brightly.
This past weekend I spent as her servant, lots of housework, obedience and whatever else a Mistress demands. This weekend we are going away for a romantic get away. I loved last weekend and will just as much love this weekend.
We have a weekend away planned and as such this past weekend was a good time to catch up on some chores. Mistress had some work to do for her job so she had no issue in keeping me busy.
Saturday she left me with some tasks to accomplish and headed out to do some running around, shopping, gym, etc. When I finally finished my tasks for the day I texted her and let her know I was done. She texted back, "When you cleaned the bathrooms did you mop the floors or just sweep?"
I responded, "Just swept." Knowing what was probably coming next.
She answered, "Scrub them on your hands and knees and use bleach, that way you can be sure you got everything nice and clean."
She then took the opportunity to let me know that I would have some extra time to get the floors done as she was relaxing at that tanner. While I scrubbed away at the floor, and yes wearing a dress of hers. I contemplated how much I really enjoyed my life with her. Yes usually she isn't quite as dominant as that but when she gets in her moods, watch out. Well now is one of those moods. I have to admit she fills every fantasy that filled me since adolescence when she is in those moods. While when she isn't in that mode we still live and FLM albeit much more even keel. Yes I obey, yes she is in charge but she doesn't always ask as much. The point is I think she provides us a great balance in our lives.
When you are best friends, lovers and also Mistress and sub life can vary. There needs to be time for all phases of your lives. As best friends we need to have times where we do what we love together, we love to golf. At Golf I drive the cart and we joke around, I pick on her, she picks on me, we just have a good time, BUT I am still subservient to her at some level, it just doesn't show as much. I still make sure I get doors for her, she may tell me she wants a drink but all in all we just enjoy each others time. We need time like that. When we are lovers we might enjoy a nice dinner together, watch a movie or whatever else comes up, we do so as lovers but in that situation she still is in charge also, just not as noticeable again. Then of course there is last weekend. Her shopping and texting me extra chores to do without a feeling of guilt or worry that she is over stepping her bounds. We need a balance between all of those times.
I guess my point here is that if you are starting a female led relationship or are in one. Balance is important. You still may have that base part, that foundation that no matter where you are, she is in charge but that is your foundation, upon that there needs to be variety, the spice of life, to allow it all to be more enjoyable.
We love to compete with each other, games, pool, golf, whatever. If I were to let her win because she is the Mistress she would be pissed off, she wants to win but she wants my best. At those times there is nothing submissive about my behavior but even in the heat of batter, a simple, "Get me a drink." Trumps all that.
Sorry to go on but I want to emphasize how important that every second of an FLM or FLR should not be spent on your knees or scrubbing floors, there will be plenty enough time for that to keep your fantasies alive but there also needs to be that balance to allow you both to love each other, enjoy each others company and to continue to explore new things that keep love burning brightly.
This past weekend I spent as her servant, lots of housework, obedience and whatever else a Mistress demands. This weekend we are going away for a romantic get away. I loved last weekend and will just as much love this weekend.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Epiphany
Sometimes when your a submissive man you get epiphanies. You know things that all of a sudden click on, like the proverbial light bulb going off. Things that your Mistress probably knew all along but waited for you to see when you would figure it out. She had never said so but I believe she thinks that if I figure it out myself I am more apt to remember it.
The other night while we both sat on the couch watching TV, dinner cleaned up and time for a little relaxation before bed. I had an urge come over me to kneel in front of her and just ask how my performance has been lately. Now if you know my Mistress she can sometimes be a little nicer than she should be, or not fully let me have it on things, just because she is who she is.
So her answer is, "It hasn't been that good lately." I was shocked, hurt and began to do what I always do, get defensive, but instead I asked, "In what way?" She answered, "I am going to let you figure it out."
My follow up question was, "Is it in regards to keeping the house clean." She simply said, "Yes. I have not been very happy with it lately." I was ready to let her know that we have been working overtime and we had the daughter in for the weekend and we have been on the run lately but something clicked in me...
She knows all of this and still thinks more could be done, so her complaint isn't because I don't have it done period but that she doesn't think I have done enough with the time I have.
So again instead of getting defensive I just said, "Sorry, your right." To which she simply replied, "I know I am."
Again I thought of doing the next thing I always do, to tell her how I will get better and turn over a new leaf.
But I didn't. I simply said "I am sorry" again. I knew it was better to express my apology with action instead of more words. That was two days ago and I have begun the process of getting things back on track, Now I am not trying to lessen my guilt by saying the place isn't a pig sty, its just she expects more. I am saying this to make the point that just because I think I am doing things, keeping things taken care of doesn't mean she thinks it's acceptable. Anyways with the lack of time it's going to take longer to get to where she wants things than I would like but she has noticed the change. She is starting to point out some things that aren't up to par to help me out in addressing things which she doesn't always do.
My epiphany was of course the resistance to getting defensive and just allowing her to speak her peace, accept it and make a plan of action to fix it. Give her credit to be smart enough to know what is happening in life, If I do the best I can with my time, I have to believe she will know I have done what I can with the time I have. Since then I have really felt more at peace with things.
It can be hard as a sub to let someone give you criticism and just take it, accept it and not argue the point. She is in charge because we both agree she is best to handle it. Just let her do her job and I will do mine.
Now onto a lighter note, our mutual friends are heading to sunnier weather for a short vacation soon and I was thinking, "Hope they good weather down there" HOWEVER!!! He and I are emailing and somehow he brings up the fact that he receives regular scheduled punishments, Kind of like a tune up every once in a while to keep him on track. So I am reading Mistress his email and get to this point of the email where he talks about his scheduled punishment and she says, "What a great idea. Maybe I should do the same to you."....So how do I place my order for snow in the south this coming weekend??????
The other night while we both sat on the couch watching TV, dinner cleaned up and time for a little relaxation before bed. I had an urge come over me to kneel in front of her and just ask how my performance has been lately. Now if you know my Mistress she can sometimes be a little nicer than she should be, or not fully let me have it on things, just because she is who she is.
So her answer is, "It hasn't been that good lately." I was shocked, hurt and began to do what I always do, get defensive, but instead I asked, "In what way?" She answered, "I am going to let you figure it out."
My follow up question was, "Is it in regards to keeping the house clean." She simply said, "Yes. I have not been very happy with it lately." I was ready to let her know that we have been working overtime and we had the daughter in for the weekend and we have been on the run lately but something clicked in me...
She knows all of this and still thinks more could be done, so her complaint isn't because I don't have it done period but that she doesn't think I have done enough with the time I have.
So again instead of getting defensive I just said, "Sorry, your right." To which she simply replied, "I know I am."
Again I thought of doing the next thing I always do, to tell her how I will get better and turn over a new leaf.
But I didn't. I simply said "I am sorry" again. I knew it was better to express my apology with action instead of more words. That was two days ago and I have begun the process of getting things back on track, Now I am not trying to lessen my guilt by saying the place isn't a pig sty, its just she expects more. I am saying this to make the point that just because I think I am doing things, keeping things taken care of doesn't mean she thinks it's acceptable. Anyways with the lack of time it's going to take longer to get to where she wants things than I would like but she has noticed the change. She is starting to point out some things that aren't up to par to help me out in addressing things which she doesn't always do.
My epiphany was of course the resistance to getting defensive and just allowing her to speak her peace, accept it and make a plan of action to fix it. Give her credit to be smart enough to know what is happening in life, If I do the best I can with my time, I have to believe she will know I have done what I can with the time I have. Since then I have really felt more at peace with things.
It can be hard as a sub to let someone give you criticism and just take it, accept it and not argue the point. She is in charge because we both agree she is best to handle it. Just let her do her job and I will do mine.
Now onto a lighter note, our mutual friends are heading to sunnier weather for a short vacation soon and I was thinking, "Hope they good weather down there" HOWEVER!!! He and I are emailing and somehow he brings up the fact that he receives regular scheduled punishments, Kind of like a tune up every once in a while to keep him on track. So I am reading Mistress his email and get to this point of the email where he talks about his scheduled punishment and she says, "What a great idea. Maybe I should do the same to you."....So how do I place my order for snow in the south this coming weekend??????
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Personal issues take front stage
Well another long absence form posting. My reason this time...Death in the family. The loss of my Dad around the holidays really sent the month of January in free fall.
After a while things have gotten back to normal, well as normal as possible but truth is this is the new normal and the old normal will never return. That is life and we must move past it. I have done so, maybe with a piece of me gone forever but still life is back to a sense of normalcy.
Work has been so busy, (no complaint here) that I am afraid until that changes I won't be able to post with the same frequency as I once did. Its another example that life just changes and we have to change with it. I will always post, maybe just not as much as I would like...although maybe more than some would wish. LOL.
Our FLM, is going wonderfully. The last few weeks especially has found Mistress in a dominating way and me enjoying every moment of it. Empty nest since Mid January always helps in that regard.
Punishments have been down for me lately. Mistress has been happy with my performance lately but sometimes I wonder if I like that or not. In the end my goal is to make her happy, The less punishment she doles out means the less she has been annoyed by my behavior so less punishment = happier mistress. As a result happier Mistress = happier sub. Hmmmm so then by that logic less punishment = happier sub? Not necessarily. I guess I will have to contemplate that some more. I guess in some ways punishment is a certain type of attention that is given to me by Mistress. I get plenty of attention from her, so the quantity of attention isn't an issue. Its just the spice of life and the type of attention that must be the issue here. As I said I will contemplate and probably figure nothing out but I will contemplate none the less.
We have met a couple times with our fellow FLM couple since last post. We are looking forward to the next get together but unfortunately they got some bad news and had a loss in their family as well. Mistress and I are sending prayers and condolences. I certainly can relate to the situation.
Looking forward to Valentines day, we are going to go away for a weekend to celebrate but not this weekend. We will have a couple week delay in our valentine weekend but I am sure we will still have a great time on Saturday.
To everyone out there, have a great Valentines day, hope your families are all healthy and remember to tell loved ones how much they are loved, you never know when that time will come.
After a while things have gotten back to normal, well as normal as possible but truth is this is the new normal and the old normal will never return. That is life and we must move past it. I have done so, maybe with a piece of me gone forever but still life is back to a sense of normalcy.
Work has been so busy, (no complaint here) that I am afraid until that changes I won't be able to post with the same frequency as I once did. Its another example that life just changes and we have to change with it. I will always post, maybe just not as much as I would like...although maybe more than some would wish. LOL.
Our FLM, is going wonderfully. The last few weeks especially has found Mistress in a dominating way and me enjoying every moment of it. Empty nest since Mid January always helps in that regard.
Punishments have been down for me lately. Mistress has been happy with my performance lately but sometimes I wonder if I like that or not. In the end my goal is to make her happy, The less punishment she doles out means the less she has been annoyed by my behavior so less punishment = happier mistress. As a result happier Mistress = happier sub. Hmmmm so then by that logic less punishment = happier sub? Not necessarily. I guess I will have to contemplate that some more. I guess in some ways punishment is a certain type of attention that is given to me by Mistress. I get plenty of attention from her, so the quantity of attention isn't an issue. Its just the spice of life and the type of attention that must be the issue here. As I said I will contemplate and probably figure nothing out but I will contemplate none the less.
We have met a couple times with our fellow FLM couple since last post. We are looking forward to the next get together but unfortunately they got some bad news and had a loss in their family as well. Mistress and I are sending prayers and condolences. I certainly can relate to the situation.
Looking forward to Valentines day, we are going to go away for a weekend to celebrate but not this weekend. We will have a couple week delay in our valentine weekend but I am sure we will still have a great time on Saturday.
To everyone out there, have a great Valentines day, hope your families are all healthy and remember to tell loved ones how much they are loved, you never know when that time will come.
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